Damn. I Need To Vacuum.

You know it's going to be one of those days when you start it out flat on your ass in the floor.

I have one of those clear plastic things that my computer chair sits on. You know, like a hard plastic floor mat so you can wheel your ass around like a big shot. Only I'm not a big shot, because my current clear plastic thing has several cracks in it and I've not replaced it with a new clear plastic thing. So therefore, I have these ruts and holes in my clear plastic thing. And sometimes the wheels of the chair get caught in the holes in the clear plastic thing, and not only do I not wheel my ass around like a big shot, I don't do anything, because my chair won't budge.

Today, as with any other day, I bashed my alarm clock till it quit beeping, fell out of bed, and stumbled a la Frankenstein Monster to the computer to check my email. After reading several pieces of junk and a genuinely funny rant from Stennie, I pushed my chair backwards with my feet.

It caught a hole in my clear plastic thing. And before I could say, "Oh, shit," I was in the floor.

It was actually quite funny, and shortly after my mind processed, "Oh, shit, indeed, I am in the floor," I began giggling. It didn't hurt, and the reason it didn't hurt was what was so funny.

The chair turned completely over sideways. Normally, especially with the base of it stable (because it was caught in a hole), this would have thrown me sideways as well, which would have hurled my precious head right into the wall beside my computer. But for some unknown reason I seemed to have been hurled ass-first, upright, smack dab into the middle of the floor. With a decided *slap!* as my amply fleshy backside touched down.

And so there I sat. Or was sat. Cross-legged in the floor. Whole new perspective on life from down there, you know. I certainly realized how filthy the carpet gets under my computer desk, anyway. And I found my green pen.