3 Things You Should Know

1. One of the local funeral homes in town has a huge inflatable snowman in front of it. It's very disconcerting. He's about 8 feet tall, and he's very happy. Not that his disposition is the only thing that makes an 8 foot tall inflatable snowman in front of a funeral home in kind of bad taste. But he could at least look solemn, or thoughtful, or, oh, I don't know, who am I kidding. Nothing could ever justify an inflatable 8 foot tall snowman in front of a funeral home.

2. I had the most fitful night of sleep last night. I woke up at 2:30, 3:50, 5:15, 5:50...it was awful. And somewhere in between the 5:50 - 6:30am range, I had a dream/flash/vision that I'm not sure I'll forget anytime soon. It had to do with a woman that I was interviewing for some reason, a woman who was a psychic, who got her psychic visions from masturbation. Yep, you heard me correctly. Masturbation for fun and profit. And so I was supposed to be trying to interview this woman, who was getting ready to go on the David Letterman show (and get paid the tidy sum of $150 for her "performance"). So there she was, having at it, trying to summon up her portents from the stars, and I was trying to interview her, and at the same time, Dave wanted her to decorate the studio Christmas tree! It was a hectic little scene, I can tell you. Anyone want to analyze that one for me? I'm going with "I must have had a fever."

3. I don't have one single gift idea for Christmas. I half-assed decided I was going to give everyone I know one of the hundreds of catalogs I've received and tell them to pick their gift. Then I realized that I'd fret and wring myself silly trying to decide what catalog to give which person! I hate shopping for people.