At Year's End

8 hours. As I type this, there's a mere 8 hours till the end of 2003. Then the ball will drop, and Dick Clark will become neither older-looking nor less obnoxious, and Guy Lombardo will be somewhere in the Great Beyond conducting one more round of "Auld Lang Syne."

And I'll be celebrating. I'll be saying a few words to 2003. And to 2003 I'll be saying, "Fuck off! Go to hell and die, and carry thee from my life! I hope I never see your like again, and if I do, I hope I see you coming so I can smite your ass and get on with life. So go. Go fuck off. Now."

And to 2004 I shall be saying, "Hello, there! Hi, my new friend. Come in. Have a cookie. A drink. Let's get acquainted. Do you like TV? I have three - you can watch anytime you like! You need a loan? I'll spot you a few bucks anytime you're short."

But mainly on this day, the last day of the worst year of my life, I'll be saying, thanks, guys. Thanks to all my friends, the ones I get to see face-to-face and the ones I've never seen but dream of having big pajama parties with and laughing till dawn. Your kindness, support, and good wishes have not only kept me up, they've made life worth living. Your blogs and e-mails entertain me and keep me happy. Your incredible generosity during the Blogathon still touches me immensely. Your helping to make Acrochallenge a weekly event proves just how nice and smart and witty you all are. And most of all, just thanks for being so damn cool. There's not a single one of you out there who's not one of the coolest people on Earth. Don't ever forget that.

So there you go, and let's get on with the new year. And I mean it, 2003. Fuck off away from me and don't come back. And take my water heater with you.