If The Pillsbury Dough Boy Ruled The World

* Handshakes would be replaced by a good-natured poke to the belly

* Chef's hats and kerchiefs always in fashion

* Slang for male genitalia: doughnuts

* Number one health concern of the aged: mold

* Citizens divided into three types: crusty, gooey, or flaky

* The ruler's residence would be called The Parker House

* All jokes responded to with "nnn-heeheehee"

* National motto: "We Shall Rise"

* Children everywhere treasure the book "Rebecca of Pepperidge Farm"

* Supreme compliment: "Nice buns!"