I Run All Hot And Cold

I've made no secret of the fact that I've been cold lately. It got so cold here so fast, and the cold has just hung on with such stubborn strength, that it's permeated my being and become a part of who I am.

My mom calls me about every other day from Florida. She calls to talk about the weather. Lord have mercy, my mom loves the weather - she calls to tell me what the weather is up here.

"It's snowing up there," she'll tell me.

"No it's not Mom, it's just gloomy."

"Well, the Weather Channel says it's snowing."

"Well, you call them up and tell them you're Peg Bowles and your daughter says it's not snowing, it's just gloomy, and I'm sure they'll change their forecast."

And things generally go all to pot from there. Lately when she's been calling she always asks the temperature, and I just respond "cold." I'm not being snippity, I just have to explain to her. I've been so cold for so long, nothing registers to me in degrees anymore. It's just cold. After work yesterday I had to put gas in my car. Two different banks in town were telling me it was 43 degrees, and let me tell you 43 degrees is a veritable heatwave around here. But it didn't matter. I stood there, wearing a coat, freezing, shivering. Because I'm cold, dammit. I was as cold as I was when it was 23 degrees.

(BTW, one bank in town was telling me it was 40 degrees, because their brand new digital sign is stuck on 40 degrees. When it was 12 here, at First Community Bank it was 40 degrees. When it was 20 here, it was 40 at First Community. And yesterday when it was 43, it was 40 at First Community. "Come to First Community Bank - Where It's Always 40 Degrees!")

Anyway. I've been on drugs this week. Well, actually I've been on drugs this month. I just got my sinus/tension/whateverelseiswrongwithme drugs, a decongestant, an antibiotic pack ("five pills in five days and you're cured - all for the tidy sum of $98!"), and a painkiller. But since the beginning of the month, as per instructions from my trusty gynecologist, I'm back on this hormone she wants me to take. Take it the first ten days of every month, and voila, the joys of womanhood flower in your very being. Or something. All I know is that I hate the stuff, and of the last 12 months, I've taken it maybe twice. But since she kind of hounded me about it at my appointment last month, I told her I'd give it another go.

One of the effects of one of those new drugs, and I'm willing to assume it's the antibiotic, is what I call BFS. Bad Fitful Sleeplessness. It's gone on the past two nights. Toss and turn, doze off, nightmare, back up, wide awake, praying for sleep.... I don't mind staying up all night when I want to. I just hate it when I'd rather be snoozing.

One of the other effects of these drugs, and this happens the last two or three doses of the hormone, is what I call RSBUHF. Raging Skin Burning Ungodly Hot Flashes. Since Feb 2d, no matter how frozen to the bone I am all day, when bedtime comes I'm lying there in bed like a beached whale wondering what else kind of clothes I can take off since I'm already almost naked.

Put all these drugs together, and I think I may have cooked up a recipe for disaster.

Last night, since we did have that 43 degree heatwave, I turned down the heat at the Poderosa quite a bit. So much so, in fact, that when it was time to retire I almost went and turned it back up. I was cold. Even under the covers I was cold. I took my next to the last dose of my hormone, and lay there, being cold, and finally said, "OK, I'll keep the heat down, but put some sweatpants on under my nightshirt." And they weren't even thick sweatpants, just flimsy knit, but I put them on and finally drifted off into dreamland.

Around 2am I fell awake with a thud. I tossed and turned, tried each side, shifted, rearranged all the covers, and finally after an hour or so, dozed back off.

At 4:04 I woke up again. I opened my eyes, realized I was awake, and then just started flailing both arms and kicking both legs for all it was worth. I was so hot, I just thought, "If I don't throw these covers off of me and off this bed right now, I'm gonna DIE!" When they were finally off, I lay there and panted like a dog for several minutes.

At 5:44 I woke up and finally had to shed the pants.

I mean, I'm not kidding. These past two nights, I've gotten so hot my dreams have been of fires.

And yet this morning, I got out of bed, grabbed a towel and headed for the shower.

"Geez, I'm cold," I thought.