A Valentine's Day Lament (With Candy)

Yes, I'm still contemplating the breakup of the couple that's been a constant for the whole of my life, Barbie and Ken. Who made the first move? Was it really as amicable as they say? What will happen now? Will Ken just fade into the shadows and eventually disappear? And will Barbie one day regret the split?

It's tearing me up inside, I tell ya.



You know, Ken's a lovely boy. He's just lovely. But let's face it, he was never in Barbie's league. She was a teenaged fashion model star at age 16! He was a hunting, tennis-playing soda jerk. And even though he eventually became a doctor and a cub reporter and an airline pilot, there was something we could never overlook about our sweet and lovely boy.



But you know, Barbie's not perfect either. Sure, she has the clothes, and the hair, and the body that won't quit. But I have it on good authority that's not all she has.



But pettiness aside, let's be honest here. We know. Is there one of you amongst us who does not know the problem that has plagued this couple from the invention of dear Ken, some 43 years ago? It's as plain as the nose on your face. All us Barbie collectors know. And I guess now Ken wants the world to know.



So, what's next for Ken? I certainly hope he's not going to hang around the beach house and do Barbie's bidding for her, like some errand boy with no collectible value at all. That's so beneath him. Especially while Barbie's looking elsewhere, like at the new Blaine doll, as has been rumored. One can only hope Ken will head north.



And while Barbie continues to loll in the dream house, entertaining thoughts of another Presidential run, being a veterinarian, and a rock star, and a TV anchorwoman, and whatever else she wants, and tries to hang out with Blaine, and all those new Generation Dolls (which make her look so old, by the by), she'll begin to stagnate. And one day will become just an old broad. A shell of her former beautiful pony-tailed self.

And Ken will be happier in the long run.



(ps, thanks, Stennie, for reminding me of This Site!)