The Agony and the Ecstasy

Well, here I sit again, another Sunday at the Poderosa. It's been a long and busy weekend. Well, a long and busy Saturday, anyway.

As you all may remember, Saturday I was to try my first foray into reality, a concert with the Sauerkraut Band. No, wait. That's an oxymoron if ever I heard one - reality and Sauerkraut Band.

The band was playing at a beer tasting at a theatre. We were to play from 8 to midnight. We arrived a little early, Mr M, DeepFatFriar, and myself, and loafed around before the others and the equipment arrived. Then everyone set about to get the stage (which for this night was on a gazebo) set up. I did a very few light things, and felt pretty much the shirker. But that's just me.

The ecstasy was seeing all the Sauerkrauters again - for some of them, it'd been since Oktoberfest, or New Year's Eve (and let's face it, how much did I remember about New Year's Eve?). They're such a fun bunch of people, it's a shame we don't get to see each other more often. And then there's our Fearless Leader Ed. Ed also of Community Band. I hadn't seen him since March, and he was a sight for sore eyes.

However, the agony was seeing all those folks drinking beer and eating the wonderful looking, wonderful smelling German buffet the theatre had set up. Veal cutlets, chicken, red cabbage (my personal favorite), and a potato and pepper dish that smelled to die for. I had a postage stamp-sized piece of cheese and chugged Pink Lemonade all night.

Ah, but the ecstasy. The ecstasy was stepping up onto that stage with all the band, putting Sherman in his lederhosen up on the music stand, and hearing "Eins, zwei, drei, vier!" and that first singing of "Ein Prosit." It's just fun, dammit.

And all that happened. And it was fun.

And then, the agony began.

I knew within the first 45 seconds of the show beginning that I didn't have much business at this shindig. The first song. Where we stand up and peppily play a medley of German songs. I stood up, blew about 8 bars, and the walls started closing in. The walls started closing in, and we were outside! Really, though. The lightheadedness and feelings of being ready to pass out started that soon. But I perservered, and got through the first song, and got to sit back down. Oh, after a quick "Ein Prosit."

And it was pretty much like that through the whole show. Play a minute, stop a minute. Let my head get back to normal. Try not to fall out of the chair. Stand up, toast everyone, swig a little lemonade, and start it all over again. When you get that many headrushes, it takes a toll. We even got not one, but two calls for "The Clarinet Polka," and I had to embarrassingly play sitting down. Because I knew I could either stand up or I could play it, but I couldn't do both. Ed seemed to be OK with it, but that doesn't mean I was.

We got a couple of breaks, thankfully, where I got to rest and take a couple of walks and get some fresh air. However, when the final break came, at 11:10pm, I knew I was done. I just couldn't do it anymore. And everyone seemed to understand. Everyone, apparently, but me. I just got so pissed off at myself that I couldn't finish, that I actually made it to 50 minutes from the end and still had to quit. And I guess that's it. I considered it not so much "stopping" as "quitting."

And that was agony.

But DeepFatFriar set it straight for me as we were getting in the car. That basically I was playing a concert I had no business being at anyway, considering where I am in my recovery, and I not only played it, but got almost all the way through it. And as both he and Mr M told me, I seemed to be the only one who thought anything of it.

And so, I'll try to forget that part of the agony. And concentrate on the real ecstasy, which came about halfway through the show.

If you've been a member in good standing for a certain amount of time in the Sauerkraut Band, you earn your doctorate. You are then known and introduced as "Dr." Last night, the first time round in "The Clarinet Polka," Ed was introducing Mr M and I as we got ready to play the number.

And it came.

I was introduced as "Dr!" I got my doctorate! It was a total surprise and a bit like being named Miss America. Oh, shit, it was not, it was 100 times better than being named Miss America.

It was ecstasy.