Post-Surgical Traumatic Stress Syndrome

I'm not quite sure what's wrong with me.

That shouldn't come as a big surprise, because I'm not sure I ever knew what was wrong with me, but it seems that post-surgery I really don't know what's wrong with me.

First of all, I sleep. No, you don't understand. I sleep. The hardest thing I do in a day's time is get out of bed, get showered, and get dressed. Once I finally do that, I'm ready to go back to sleep. I was lucky enough to get the afternoon off yesterday; I got home around 1:30pm. From 1:30pm till about 9:00pm, I slept in the Comfy Chair. I got up for a little while, then went to bed and slept till 8:00am. I could've slept longer. Much longer. But the alarm (which had been going off since 7:20) was needling me to get up and off to work.

And even when I'm awake, and don't get me wrong, when I am awake I'm lucid and happy, well, I wouldn't say happy, as happy as I'm capable of being I guess, but when I'm awake and going through conversations, clarinet playing, office working, movie watching, cooking, eating, driving, and the like, if at any moment I'd lay down my utensils for the given activity, I'm sure I could induce sleep in myself within a good ten minutes.

And don't get me wrong. I'm not lazy. Sometimes I have these nice bursts of energy where not only can I go to the grocery after work, but come home and do laundry and strip beds and clean house. And I'm glad about that. Glad all over. In fact, I get so glad that a glow comes over me, then I sit down in the Comfy Chair and fall fast asleep.

Then of course, there's the obvious personality disorder I seem to have developed post-surgery. The one that makes me not very pleasant and easily angry at people. Of course, this is because people upset me in various and sundry ways, be it something they say, something they do, or something they don't do.

And so I get angry, and being me, of course, I react the complete wrong way. This could be because I'm not really sure what the right way is. I clam up or cry, and that's the wrong way. I state my case of being angry and why, and that's the wrong way. Maybe my sin is mismatching the reaction to the person, I don't know. All I know is that I don't seem to be making anyone happy, most of all myself, which, pardon me for saying so, right now is the only person I give two hoots about being happy.

So that's where I am right now. I'm like that cranky baby on the circumcision billboard. I'm not bawling, I'm just teary and wanting to throw down a little bit. And if I owe you an email you haven't gotten, or I don't show up at chat or on Messenger, please forgive me. Believe me, right now you're probably better off. And I'll be back to you soon enough.

Be forewarned!