Da Doo Ron Ron

I've been pretty devoid of energy the past two days, and unfortunately, pretty devoid of thoughts as well. But I'll carry on, brave little soldier that I am.

There have been a couple of things on my mind this week, and I don't guess it's any big surprise that one of them is Ronald Reagan. Now, let me say this. I was no fan of Ronald Reagan. I never voted for the man, I thought he was a shitty president, and it galls me every time I hear some hoo-hah on TV talking about how he was the greatest president we ever had. Repeat after me: Bullshit.

I've also been thinking about one of his supposed "great moments," when he decided to do a JFK and stand in front of the Berlin Wall, demanding that Gorbachev tear it down. You know, according to Eddie Izzard, JFK didn't so much say "I am a Berliner" as he did "I am a donut" (the "ein" turning a resident into a sugary pastry). Oddly enough, I can so see Reagan, standing there at The Wall, actually saying "I am a donut." "Mr Gorbachev, I am a donut!"

I've also been thinking about how, since the man's demise, we've not heard a single thing about, oh, say, his total ignorance while AIDS was running rampant through the country, or his wonderful visit to Bitburg. Everyone's remembering the lighthearted, quip-spouting Grandpa of Our Nation, who "won the Cold War" (even though he didn't), made all those monumentally great speeches (which he didn't write, I mean, hell, he was an actor, if he couldn't read a speech, what was he good for?), and smiled upon the land like a proud papa as greed took over the country and leg warmers and mullets sprang up everywhere. Not that I'm going on record here as personally blaming Mr R for the mullet. But I've never seen it proved otherwise, either.

But then, Reagan was an affable sort. In the same kind of way your grandfather, who still called black people "colored" and believed that women shouldn't have jobs or get educations, was an affable sort.

And maybe that's why I didn't hate him so much. I mean actively hate him. Not the way I actively hated his successor, and certainly not the way I hate his successor's evil spawn. Which is odd, because Reagan himself sowed the seeds for both of them. And you know, I can remember in the 80s, when America was the scourge of the world (kinda like now - odd thing, huh?), being embarrassed to live here under his rule and wanting to say, "Hey World, not everyone supports this dumbass!" (kinda like now - odd thing, huh?) So maybe it's just that since he left office and lived a life of solitude, and people like Drinky McDumbass (our current prez) have taken over, my hatred for him has waned.

And yet - no matter how much it's waned or how much I may have hated him at one time, I don't want people to get a horrible disease like Alzheimer's. I don't want people to die, well, most people, there are a few the world could do without but it's not rightly up to me to rid us all of them. And 93 years, it was a big, long, Hollywood life, even if the last years of it were shitty.

But geez. Put the man in the ground already!

They're dragging him all over creation. First we had to see him lying there in California, then they drug him to DC, let him lay there awhile, had a funeral, then they're having another one, then they're taking him back to California.... Well, all I can say is at least we've moved from the cross-country train to the jetliner, cause I've seen about enough. I've seen Nancy Reagan hug the coffin while her family looks on plenty of times, thank you very much.

This morning the "Today" show weatherlady, the one who stands in for Al "Someday I'm Gonna Be Like Him" Roker, said, "Let's go to the weather in Washington today, because we know thousands of people will be coming there to visit President Reagan's remains."

Remains? Remains? The man died, he didn't get blown up. Wouldn't "remains" indicate "what's left of him?" Or, as my sister so rightly put it, "'Remains' means 'died in a plane crash.' 'Remains' means all that's in that casket is an arm and three teeth."

And who knows, after all that dragging around, that may be all that's in there now.

Oh well, one funeral down, two to go, one more cross-country jaunt for the gipper. Lots of people don't have to work tomorrow. I do. I guess it's only fitting.