I Want A Baby!

(Made you look, made you look.)

Well, actually I do want a baby; of sorts, anyway.

As I've mentioned several times already, the DeepFatFriar was in B'burg this past weekend, visiting Mr M, attending Oktoberfest, and generally having a really bad head cold.

He arrived via automobile. His automobile, which is a 2003 Forester. He's owned his Forester right at 1 year, and it has 7400 miles on it. He filled the tank up with gas before leaving, and noticed that before that filling his last fuel stop was on August 18th.

I, on the other hand, have the podmobile. I've owned my 1999 Forester right at 6 years, and it has almost 105,000 miles on it. The last time I fueled up was Sunday. Then Friday before that, Wednesday before that, Sunday before that, Friday before that, Wednesday before that, and Monday before that. I fuel up a lot.

(Mr M, by the way, has a 1996 Celica with approximately 2,349,938,745 miles on it. I don't know when he last fueled up. His car will never die.)

So, to continue the story. I pulled into the driveway at Mr M's Saturday morning, zipping in right beside DFF's white friarmobile. Once I was inside and TheFriar was telling me the above statistics about his vehicle, and I was envying him, he came up with a great idea: Why don't we park them real close together tonight and maybe we'll get a baby!

Well, I thought it was a capital idea, and so we were off. DFF was wondering what year model the baby would be, would it split the difference and be a 2001? No, I answered. I'm sure it would be a 2005. After all, no matter how old or young the parents are, the baby's always born the same age, right? Newborn.

We did agree, though, on its features. TheFriar's car is white, and the podmobile is dark green, so the baby should be a light green in color. And it will share its features between the two vehicles. This is a good thing - I'm seriously hoping it'll be born with the 1999-era cupholder, the one that slides out from the dash, that serves as the perfect child seat for Sherman. This is a defunct feature on the friarmobile.

We also agreed to DFF's suggestion that if I don't sue him for support, he'll never sue me for custody. This seems fair and reasonable to me.

We then got down to brass tacks, as they say. Optimum positioning for fertilization. It came to be tailpipe to tailpipe, much to the chagrin of Mr M, who by this time was growing very weary of hearing this conversation continue. Then again, he may have been jealous his assholemobile wasn't getting in on the action.

Saturday night when we arrived back from Oktoberfest (the head cold kept TheFriar home on Saturday), I had Mr M back the podmobile into the driveway adjacent to the friarmobile. The next morning when I had to venture out for a few things, I checked her out. She looked happy and radiant.

I'm not sure exactly what the gestation period would be for a vehicle, but I'll keep you posted. A new baby for the new year would certainly rock.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* There was an article in yesterday's paper I loved. It was the story about the girl who went missing, and come to find out, she'd been in a car accident, trapped in her car for eight days. Here is a direct quote from the girl's mother - remember, she'd been missing eight days: "We had already given her up and let her be dead in our hearts." Gee, thanks, Mom. Do you think now that I've been found you could get rid of the man you rented my room to?
* This follows on the heels of another great article from R'noke paper, one Mr M gave to me. It's about some apparently very destructive construction going on in a certain area of the city. A woman who lives in the area is quoted as saying, "I'm seven months and I'm worried about all this noise harming my baby." The article is accompanied by a picture of the woman - who's smoking a cigarette.