Press Conference

Ahem. Ahem.

We at Betland would like to thank you for coming out. We are well aware that things around here just wouldn't be the same without you.

Now, first of all, we'd like to start off with a little announcement that Acro has been canceled for this week. Your humble moderator got lazy of mind and body and for this you must suffer. We know this isn't fair, but life isn't fair, and if you don't believe us on that one just think back one week to the elections.

OK. As we said before, thank you for coming. We are here today to answer a laundry list of charges brought against us and our blog of yesterday, titled, if you will, "Picture Sunday."

It was suggested that we were not totally fair in our description of events vis-a-vis our Weekend At Mr M's. In fact, it was suggested that we, in telling how we heaved into Mr M's toilet, did in fact knowingly insert a picture of our very own toilet bowl into Betland last night.

We must admit to you that these charges are true.

However, there was no malice aforethought in our actions. In fact, if one will look at the paragraph preceeding the bowl, it states, and we quote, "I found myself looking into this." This is followed by a picture.

We must tell you, dear readers, we did not mean to intentionally deceive or mislead you. We were speaking in general terms, "I found myself looking into this" meaning, "I found myself looking into a toilet bowl." Of course you were to logically surmise that it would be Mr M's toilet bowl, whether the picture was of his toilet bowl or not.

Also, as we were heaving Saturday night, we did not realize this would be our blog on Sunday, and hence we did not take a picture of Mr M's toilet bowl.

However, in a neverending attempt to please and placate our readers, we at Betland promise that if this ever happens again, we shall indeed grab our camera and take a photo of Mr M's toilet bowl, plus the offending yaak in it just for authenticity's sake.

While we are coming clean with facts, we would also like to point out that the photo of the spaghetti and meatballs is not in fact Mr M's spaghetti and meatballs, but a photo we lifted off of Food TV Network's website. It is, if we may be so bold, Rachael Ray's version of spaghetti and meatballs. We were asked to impart this information upon you by Mr M himself, who was quite offended that we should pass off something of that perky hack Ray's as something of his.

However, we at Betland would like to state for the record that we personally are fond of Rachael Ray and watch her several times a week, though we can't recall making any of her dishes.

For the sake of clarity I suppose we should also point out that the picture of our clarinet was taken in the Poderosa, which was not where the horn was played over the weekend, and in fact, the horn is played very little at the Poderosa because we at Betland do not practice nearly as much as we should.

And it wouldn't hurt to mention that the crybaby we acted like is in fact a boy, whereas we here at Betland are a girl. We went on the principle that boys and girls throw the same manner of temper tantrum, and also that it's fucking hard to find a stock picture of a crying baby on the internet no matter what sex.

And finally, we would like to address the universal question, "Goodykoontz?"

To that, we answer, "Yes. Goodykoontz."

Back at the inception of Goodykoontz Drug Store, which would have been around the 1930s we suppose, the Goodykoontz family were indeed a prominent family in B'field, WV. A prominent family of druggists we are guessing, since they dispensed medicines in the way of owning a drug store.

We think the Goodykoontz family does not run the drug store anymore, but there is still a Goodykoontz in the local phone book, so some of the family do exist. If you'd like, and in an effort to keep our dear readers happy, we could call that number and speak to the Goodykoontz who answers the phone, ask him his heritage, and if he still has anything to do with drug store.

Again, we would like to apologize profusely, hunched over reverting our eyes and kneading our fingers together, for any distress or upset this has caused.

Thank you.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* I've mentioned before how trashy people are around here, and how much I hate that their trashiness spills over into my yard. Most of the time I just pick the trash up and throw it away in my bin, like I did the empty potato chip bag this afternoon. However, sometimes I just cannot do this. This morning I noticed a mashed-up box on the side of my yard. I went to investigate and found that it was an empty box of LifeStyles Condoms. I just couldn't bring myself to pick this up. I took my toe and nudged it into the yard beside me. Blow, winds, blow to the south, please.