It's Just Not Natural

Yes, I'm a pod, and a hinky one at that.

I do well, though, as a rule, I can live on my own and pay bills and do the grocery shopping and they let me have a drivers' license and everything. But I still have my trademark pod behavior.

I have these fears. I have these unnatural fears.

I also have what I deem to be "natural" fears, like flying, dying, North Korea, another four years under W. Floods, earthquakes, not having enough money, ending up old and alone, and splitting my pants in public.

But what follows are the unnatural ones. The ones that if I'd really take some time and think them out, don't have a lot of concrete basis.

And so, Welcome To My World (I think this classifies as an E-ticket ride as well).

Bet's List of Unnatural Fears

* Brain Tumors: This one started when I was about 20. Everything that went wrong with me I was sure was being caused by a brain tumor. I've often tried to decide if this fear has a basis (around that time, a prominent local doctor and his baby son both died of one), but even if it does, it's been around way too long and I've dwelt upon it way too much. Oddly enough, one of the best moves Mr M ever made was to diagnose my roving brain tumor, and blame it on every ache and pain I have. His medical theory is that the brain tumor causes all the ailments, but the brain tumor won't kill me. Don't ask me why it works for me, for I do not know. However, I do still have an unnatural fear of a real, non-roving brain tumor.

* Sitting In Front of a Picture Window And Having Someone Randomly Shoot a Gun, Thus Hitting Me in the Skull: Not much explanation needed on this one. I just see myself, sitting in the chair having a drink, and then suddenly I drop the drink and wonder, "Why am I not holding onto my drink?" Then, blammo, I'm in the floor dead. Which is a shame really, as it doesn't even give me time to quote Prince Albert's famous line, "Fuck it, I've taken a bullet."

* Being Saturated with Poisonous Radiation From Watching Too Much Television: See "Brain Tumors."

* Having a Pet: But I work all day! But my backyard isn't fenced in! But I'm gone a couple of nights a week! But I might not be a good enough mommy! But it might die!

* My Stove Magically Turning On For No Reason and Burning My Kitchen To Smithereens: This might come in first, even over being shot by a random bullet through a picture window, in unnaturality. I generally have burnable things near my stove - potholders and oven mitts, paper recipes in a cardboard box. And every time I either leave the house or make my way to bed, I have to make sure anything I deem burnable is moved away from the eyes of my stove (this includes the odd clothespin which seems to always find a way to my kitchen), just in case by some electrical surge or freak of nature, my stove should suddenly pop on and burn all my stuff up.

* People Pulling Out Into the Right Side of My Car at an Intersection: Now, I try not to think of this as very unnatural, because it actually happened to me once. However, it happened to me 22 years ago, with minimal damage to my car and no damage to my person, so you think I'd be over it by now. But every once in a while, I'll see a car coming to me from the right, and I'll flinch. Big-time.

* Being In A Convenience Store Late At Night While It's Being Robbed: Every time I enter a convenience store late at night, this runs through my mind. Can I get in and pay for my gas or my Tom's Hot Fries before someone comes in and blows my brains out? Or worse, robs me of my Tom's Hot Fries? There's really only one convenience store this doesn't apply to, and that's the one on Glade Rd on the way to Mr M's. It's such a cozy and friendly place, I feel safe there. I can't imagine anyone would hurt those people. Then again, the element of surprise....

* Gas Being Sucked Into My Exhaust Pipe and Making My Car Blow Up: Once years ago I was filling up with gas and the pump didn't automatically turn off. Gas spurted everywhere, on my boots, on the bottom of my pants, all along the side of my car. I was scared to death of starting my vehicle. Never mind that the exhaust pipe is on the opposite side from the gas tank. I've just heard since I was a kid about your exhaust sucking up gasoline and making your car blow up. Now twice, yes, twice, in the past month I've had gas overflow when filling up the tank. I'm almost afraid to start the podmobile at any time. And as far as throwing a cigarette butt out the window? Well, I do it, with trepidation, because my window's also on the other side from the gas tank, but I cringe. PS: See below.

* Running Over a Lit Cigarette Butt Thrown From Someone Else's Window And Having My Car Blow Up: Frankly, I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more often.

So, there you have it. Just a random selection of the thoughts floating around in la cabeza de Bet. As my friend San once told me, "I've walked barefoot through your mind. It's a scary place."

Betland's Olympic Update:
* We're beginning trial Acros next week - tell your friends and neighbors. I'll start out as judge for a while, just to see if we get enough people playing to try the rotating judge idea. Then on Tuesday, I'll announce the winners and also-rans in this very Olympic Update.
* Apparently, I'm also afraid of making people unhappy by killing Acro.