What I Dreamt In The Comfy Chair (With Footnotes)

So. I was all happy*, and with my cousin Jacob at the Poderosa^. We were watching some really bawdy British comedy on BBCAmerica~. And laughing our asses off.

So all of a sudden, I got notification of a problem with the Poderosa. It wasn't mine anymore! It wasn't mine! There were ownership problems, and someone else also owned it. And they were coming over to stake their claim.

So, it was a husband, a wife, and a little girl. And as they were crossing the street to come over and horn in on my Poderosa, the husband got hit by a car`. I watched smugly out the window as they hauled him onto a stretcher.

So, the wife and little girl entered the Poderosa, all smiling and happy. And you know why they were all smiling and happy, besides the fact that they were horning in on my humble home? Because they were filled with the love of The Lord! They were fucking religious fanatics¤!

So, the very first thing I found out, other than the woman, who wore glasses‘, wouldn't fucking stop smiling, was that the little girl was one of those "touchy" kinds. She ran through the house touching everything I owned. And I said to Jacob, "If she touches my computer, I'm gonna kill her." "If she touches Sherman, I'm gonna kill her!"

So² then who should appear in my house but the husband. Completely healed. Maybe via The Lord. He was wearing a red Prussian army helmet, you know the kind with the point on the top³? And he talked briefly with his smiling wife, then went and - disconnected my cable! Apparently what we were watching on TV was dirty and not-at-all Godlike. And he was walking towards me getting ready to present me with my cable box and I just started screaming.

"This is my house! This is my house! This is my house!°"

And then I woke up.

Footnotes:
* If I was happy, be assured it was a dream.
^ Jacob never visits me, or even calls.
~ The TV was on BBCAmerica when I fell asleep.
` Serves him right, the bastard.
¤ I had been watching "Inherit The Wind."
‘ I fell asleep in my contact lenses.
² I'm making sure I start all my paragraphs with "So."
³ On Sunday I watched "All Quiet On The Western Front."
° I made my house payment today.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* I find it quite odd that a lot of Mayberry's townspeople on "The Andy Griffith Show" show up as townspeople in movies. Tonight it was "Inherit the Wind," which contained Clara, Emmett, and mean old Ben Weaver in its cast. The cast must have hired themselves out many times as movie townspeople as well.