Ein (*yawn* *cough* *tap-tap-tap*) Prosit

So.

Saturday was the big Local Colors Festival in R'noke. And right there on the bill between the African chanters, Jamaican steel drummers, and Irish pipers were your humble Sauerkraut Band.

I was actually pretty stoked about this one - we did the festival last year and it went really well. It was a great day with lots of people. There were also some guys from a folk-dancing troupe who happened along the festival on their way to somewhere else, and they loved us. They danced en masse all over the park, twirling and whirling and generally putting on a real show.

Cut to this year.

This year Mr M and I set out to R'noke in a driving thunderstorm, and were dodging lightning bolts all the way down Rt 460 out of town. However, thankfully, the closer we got to our destination, the drier it seemed all around. We held out hope.

Now, I know full well I'm going to get in trouble for this next paragraph. I don't care, I'll take my chances. One of the first problems of the trip was my decision for a traveling companion. Now, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to go with anyone more than I would Mr M, but Mr M has this character trait - fanatical earliness. When you go to an event with Mr M you generally get there so early that by the time the event starts you're ready to leave.

And so we arrived in R'noke way too early. We were the only Sauerkrauters there, and pretty much the only people there save for a few granola'ed teenagers who came for the big draw of the festival, Celtic-rock band Enter the Haggis. And so we really had no options at that point but to have a mosey round. And that's just what we did - we moseyed.

However, about four minutes into our mosey it began to rain.

We both had umbrellas, so it wasn't a big deal - much, anyway. Remember we did still both have armloads of horns and horn paraphernalia, and so we walked up till we found a little tented area and rested our stuff there, standing, looking, hoping the wind didn't blow, wanting to stay dry.

We stood like this maybe 45 minutes. Or more.

Finally, like a light in the darkness, out on the horizon, at the other end of EW Park, we saw another pair of lederhosen. And we rejoiced.

And then scattered lederhosen and dirndls made their way, through the rain, up to the little tent under which Mr M and I were already ensconced. And we stood some more. And of course by "some" I mean at least another hour, hour and a half. Sure, it was more fun having the whole gang there to huddle with, but we were still standing, watching it rain, wondering where this all would take us.

But Ed, our Fearless Leader, came back and had The Plans. We were waiting out the storm and rain, which was (supposedly) passing through, then one band was to play about 30 minutes, then we were to play about 40 minutes, and that would take us with plenty of time to spare to 8pm, at which time Enter The Haggis would take the stage and we could all go home. We'd end up the same time we were originally scheduled to end, just have a much shorter set (ixed by about an hour or more).

Fine.

We all made our way down to the stage area to get ready. I dispensed with the umbrella by this point, even though it was still lightly sprinkling, because my hours-in-the-making painfully straightened hair had already curled back up tightly and taken on that oh-so-familiar Brillo Pad effect. We were all by the stage. And we were again waiting.

Waiting for that first band to start. And oh, how we waited.

They just stood there, noodling around on their instruments. At first I thought that was their set - that they were just one of those noodling kinds of bands. Then I realized there was some sort of delay. I realized this because the emcee of the event kept standing there, microphone in hand, telling us how this band was going to start any minute. And he stood there the entire time telling us that. And telling us anything else he could think of. I think he maybe told us at one point what he had for lunch. Above the noodling.

Now, I don't think anyone would be surprised at this point by the news that I was becoming of a very bad humor. I was tired, I wanted to sit down (I never got to, btw), my hair was increasingly Kramer-like, these damn noodlers were onstage, and I swear, hand to God, that if I could have gotten hold of that bullshitter emcee's microphone I'd have stuck it right up his ass. And he'd have probably described it to everyone as I was doing it.

I'm not sure quite how it happened, but the noodlers, after about 45 minutes of, well, noodling, started their set. Oddly enough, once their set started, they were - noodlers! And all of their songs sounded like "Oye Como Va." In fact, TD the trumpet player and I sang, over and over, during all their songs, "Oye Como Va."

The noodlers played their 30 minutes, and there we were, perched on the side of the stage ready to pounce. Two sound guys came up to us and started asking who played what instrument and who would and wouldn't mind sharing microphones. Finally someone popped up and said, "It's OK, sir, we all have our own mics ready to go, we just plug in and play." We were then informed that we couldn't do that, that we'd have to use their equipment. As one, we all pointed to Ed.

As the sound dudes were talking to Ed, I was remembering last year. We were right before E. the H. just like this year, and no one had nary a problem with us and our sound setup. My brain was starting to hurt. Anyway, whatever the conversation with Ed contained, it ended up with us going onstage and waiting to be mic'ed by these guys.

And in the nicest possible way, these sound guys were complete ho-hoes. They didn't a bit more know what was going on - they set us up 10 microphones, some positioned correctly for their instruments, some not - and of the 10, I think 2 worked. And they were hovering and motioning to the soundboard guys and blowing and tapping and yelling "test." Had it not been so infuriating it would have been funny. In fact, after they'd worked on Mr M's mic for a while with no results, I finally got the nerve to tap one of the guys on the shoulder and tell him I thought I knew the problem - the mic wasn't plugged in. It was just laying there, unconnected, at my feet.

The comedy of errors continued. And this might be a good time to mention that the bar had now opened, the beer (or in my case, the wine) had started flowing, and things were starting to get just a little rowdy on the stage. The ho-hoes were still at work, there were rubber chickens flying through the air, my favorite chicken, the one with the squeaky inside of him, was being used by the band to soundcheck the mics, we got out Mr M's bubble machine and started filling the air with bubbles, and at one point I started to tap dance. It had been 35 minutes since we'd taken the stage, and not a note had been played. Not even a noodle.

Then in the blink of an eye we got the go-ahead from Ed; let's get started. I just had a "certain feeling," so decided to give it a shot, and I tapped my and MK's mic. Deader than four o'clock. We looked at each other with a dismissive wave; who gave a shit at that point, we just wanted to play.

And so we played. And we sounded great! And the crowd liked us, people were dancing and little kids were hopping around and people were waving their beers and toasting with us!

And after four songs, they told us it was over. Get off the stage now! And so we grabbed our stuff and ran, like thieves in the night.

It seems that after those ho-hoin' bastards finally got us set up, it was 7:50. We had a total of 10 minutes to play, and apparently they weren't letting us slip over into the Big Act of the Evening's time. Hell, I didn't even get to start my baby bottle of Goldschlager! That's OK, though - once we were safely to the side of the stage DTFP and I halved it.

I spent almost four hours there, standing up, getting wet, being bored, being annoyed, feeling my hair curl, listening to noodling, and listening to the bullshittingest emcee the world has ever known - for 10 minutes of playing.

Prost.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Lawks a mercy, look at the acro entries! Everyone wants to tell me Why We're Here!
Honorable Mentions: Mike, with "Airedales," and Michelle, with "Accolades."
Runner-up: Venice, with "Apes."
And winner, for the 2d straight week, Flipsycab, with "Accident."
Thanks for playing, everybody, and I mean that!