(Gimme the Downbeat, Maestro)

A Musical Blog

Was I On LSD Or What?

Now, I've never consciously dropped acid, so I can only assume it was given to me while I wasn't looking. And I think I know who the culprit was. Yes, there he was, Mr M, smiling knowingly while fixing me coffee in the red mug last night. And it was just after that he handed me a DVD I'd ordered: "The Return of Captain Invincible."

It was late when I got back home, but I was all caffeinated, and so I popped in the movie and began to watch.

I really don't know what to tell you about this movie. Because I'm sure by then the LSD had started taking effect.

I can tell you it's from 1983 and stars none other than Alan F himself. And that it's either endearingly cute or excruciatingly bad, and I'm probably going with the latter. I can also tell you that I'm no film critic, so don't take any stock in anything I say, but I can only imagine that this was supposed to be some sort of 80s version of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," because it's schlocky, campy, and a musical. But other than the Time Warp and "Dammit, Janet," I had no affection for RHPS and other than Mr. A and a couple of cute moments, I didn't have much for "Captain Invincible," who may or may not be in the same hero league as Captain Asshole.

Oh, and I can tell you that at one point we see Alan F with a mullet, unless that was the LSD and not my tired eyes.

"Captain Invincible" is a perfect example of something I always seem to rabbit on about: the paper movie. The movie whose idea is great on paper, but once on film it just won't fly. (Baz Luhrmann being the King of the Paper Movie.)

Because the idea is cute: a superhero from WWII is washed up after having to go before McCarthy and the Unamerican Activities Committee. He crawls inside a bottle and ends up in Australia (wah? maybe that was the LSD), then his country needs him again and he has to overcome his demons (and the fact that he's not in superhero shape anymore) and fight the dreaded foe. Add to that Alan F as the hero, Christopher Lee as the dreaded foe, camp it up, make it a musical, and well, what's wrong with that, right?

Maybe what's wrong is that they didn't let me, Stennie, Mike, and Flipsy make it. But we'd have been awfully young then, so I guess we can't fault anyone for that.

Anyway, it's basically a big mess of a movie, and yet, there was something about it. I wanted to like it because of the idea. Because Alan was singing, and at one point actually looked like he was laughing - whether it was at something offscreen or just at the ludicrous position he was in, I've no idea, but I giggled too. And even in that big mess, there were a couple of cute moments, as I said above.

But I'm not kidding, I really think when I come back from my trip, so to speak, I'll look at it again to see if it's actually a drama.

But before I move on, a few points I must make:

1) Thursday night Stennie and I were having something of a point-counterpoint discussion, with Stenns taking the pro side and me being the skeptic. After watching this movie, Stenns, I concede; you're 100% right. I'm sure of it now.

2) A few months back I gave an interesting rating on my movie list to the movie "The Saddest Music In The World." Instead of 1, 2, etc, stars, it got the rating "Good God." This was because I had no idea what to make of that movie. Ergo, by that logic "Captain Invincible" should also be eligible for the "Good God" rating; not only was I saying that while watching, I was also throwing out a few "Jesus Christ"s, a "holy shit" or two, and more than several, "wait - I'm on LSD, right?"s. However, the difference here is that with "The Saddest Music In The World,"I was confused as to give it 1 star or 5 stars. I don't really have that dilemma with "Invincible." It'll probably get 2 on The List.

3) I wonder if Alan and Christopher Lee ever saw each other after making this film, and if they did, did they glance sideways at each other in a mutual exchange of sympathy, bow their heads, and keep moving.

4) Don't worry, Alan F, I still love ya. Maybe now more than ever.

My Rock O' Bound

Last night on my way to Band I was listening to some music, and a song from my childhood popped up. That would be "Candyman," by Donovan. I'm lucky enough to have had parents who loved popular music and always had records around, and I can remember my dad bringing home that Donovan album with "Universal Soldier," "Colors," and "Summer Day Reflection" on it. And "Candyman."

I was about 5 or 6, and boy, did I love the song "Candyman." Love, love, loved it, and went around singing it all the time. I thought it was about a man who sold candy! And you know, the part about "Yeah, my candyman, he gets me high" - well, haven't you ever eaten a six pack of Pixie Stix? Tell me it didn't mess with your brain.

Anyway, besides the obvious general theme I had wrong, I had something else wrong. There's a line, "My candyman, he's Morocco bound." Well, hell, what did I know of Morocco? I was five years old! I just thought he was saying, "My candyman, he's my rock o' bound." Because, you know, I'd heard people refer to someone who was important to them as their rock o' gibraltar, and I thought it was some sort of variant of that.

I still love "Candyman," maybe even more now, and I always think of that story when I hear it. My rock o' bound.

And that's my embarrassing story of the day.

It Bears Repeating

Speaking of Captain Asshole, which I was earlier, remember when he used to actually contribute pieces to his own little room in my web, Captain Asshole's Corner? You know, Captain A, I'm running very low on webspace at the moment. It'd be a shame if I had to start, uh, deleting things to make more room, you know? Ya know, guv? You'd better update.

Anyway, there are several classics in The Corner, but one was in the form of a haiku. And I know some of my readers out there are writers and fanciers of haiku, so sit back and let's look at the repeating of a classic. See, after the past few weeks in Community Band, this particular little niblet has been on my mind. Take it away, Captain:

Community Band.
Six saxes soon play their parts.
Hell is audible.

We should have t-shirts made up or something.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* I'm sure it was LSD. I'm sure.
* After hearing LilyG's story of her acro of summer, I'm giving up my crown to her. It was inspired.