It Does Not!

As I've mentioned briefly, I played a Community Band concert in R'noke Saturday morning. We didn't take the stage till about noon, I arrived at about 11, there was a high school jazz band on the stage playing, I found a bench, and for about 45 minutes I sat and let the sun beat down upon my precious face. Which was very pleasant, and kept me from having a "Local Colors" flashback, for this concert was at the same park where a month earlier I'd stood and waited in the rain, listening to my hair curl and to a man with a microphone who wouldn't shut the frig up.

And the concert went well. Even though we only had one trumpet for some odd reason, and from the stage we sounded out of tune and out of sync, I was told by someone in the audience (a surprise appearance by my cousin Jacob, who, believe me, would not lie about such things) that we sounded terrific.

The odd thing about the day is just how enjoyable it was. Although I can't say I wasn't looking forward to the concert itself, I can say I wasn't happy that I'd have to get up at 7:30am or so and drive the 2-plus hours to get to R'noke, by myself, as Mr M was off doing his own thing. I especially wasn't looking forward to it because Friday night has become my "special" night recently, and by that I mean I use it to blow off the steam of the workweek by doing exactly what I want to do. It generally involves ignoring the phone, drinking a lot of coffee and/or Goldschlager, and watching movies, but it's fun, it's mine, and I like it. The only reason I mention this is because I usually head bedwards around 4am, and so having to rise immediately after dawn cracks wasn't a very happy proposition.

Then lo and behold, a strange and wondrous thing happened. The alarm went off Saturday, and - get this - I popped out of bed. I'm not kidding, I just popped! There was even a slight *boing!* as I did it, though that may have been my old mattress and boxsprings. I bounced to the shower, donned my khakis and whites (official Community Band gear), dried and straightened my hair, got all my things ready for the trip (horn, music, stand, and even some clothes in case I ended up back at Mr M's, which I didn't), and made a large cup of coffee to take with me. And I still had 20 minutes before I had to be on the road! So I sat down and enjoyed the early morning silence for a bit, then hit the podmobile with 10 minutes to spare.

Thursday night I was hanging around in #squeeze, like you do, and decided I was tired of TV and I wanted music. So I started up Music Match and began building a playlist for the evening. And if I'm allowed to say such a thing, it was a magnificent playlist. Just the right combination of everything. And so Friday night, while I was grooving on coffee and liquor and watching movies, I decided I'd burn my playlist onto CD for the drive on Saturday.

Armed with coffee and wearing a black t-shirt over my white blouse to protect against spillage, I set off down Rt 460, aka the Betty Bet Bet Inspirational Highway. And I slid my new CD into the player.

First was "Galway Girl," by Steve Earle, a great start, then came a second song which maybe I won't mention because it's a total guilty pleasure for me and I'm not sure I want all of y'all knowing about it. And then, the third song started.

"Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah," by the Violent Femmes.

Now, I'm sure most of you know the origins of this song. You may be younger than I, but you're also hipper than I. "Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah" was a song that figured prominently in a very famous episode of that wonderful Saturday morning cartoon, "The Jetsons." It was recorded by the Femmes several years ago when someone came up with the idea to compile a CD of rock bands doing music from cartoons.

Here's a quick Reader's Digest version of the episode. See, Judy Jetson enters the "Win A Date With Jet Screamer" contest, where you have to write a song good enough for Jet to sing on his TV show. Her song is pretty crappy, it goes, "Jet Screamer Screamer Screamer I'm a dreamer dreamer dreamer - when the trumpets blare, I wanna run barefoot through your jet black hair-hair-hair-hair." (To which George replies, "Be sure you don't slip on all that hair oil.")

However, when George mails the entry off for Judy, he mistakenly picks up Elroy's letter to his buddy. It's written in their "secret language" (they made it up), and says "Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah" and various other cryptic things. Of course, this wins the Jet Screamer contest, and Judy gets to go out on a date with Jet (though by rights it should have been Elroy), and hijinks and hilarity ensue. And the big moment comes when Jet Screamer sings his new sure-to-be hit, "Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah."

Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah
Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah
Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah
And that means "I love you."

There's only one problem with this. Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah doesn't mean "I love you!" It means "meet me tonight!"

It's mentioned twice in the episode. Once when Elroy tells Judy about his new language, and once when no less a person than Jet Screamer himself introduces the song before he sings it: "Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah: and that means - meet me to-niiite!" (Jet has an accent not unlike mine, actually, though I don't recall him saying pen, pin, boil or bull. Or blonde or blind.)

And so we're told throughout the show that Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah means "meet me tonight," and yet throughout the entire song not only does it mean "I love you," but there's never any mention of anyone meeting anyone else tonight or any other night.

This fact has upset me for nigh-on 40 years. I'm not joking, it has. And maybe that explains the nervous person I grew up to be.

(By the way, it's been a lifelong dream of mine to be able to do the dance Jet Screamer originated, the Solar Swivel. But sadly, one has to become airborne to do it, and I don't see myself gaining that magical ability anytime soon. Everybody! "Swivel in the morning! Swivel at night!")

Betland's Olympic Update:
* OK, I think it's officially time to ask for volunteer acrojudges, because the answers are getting so funny and so good I'm having a hard time deciding. Really, folks, some of these had me laughing out loud in a bawdy manner. But we must have picks, so I'll do my best. So who had what edited out of their DVD?
Honorable Mention: Mike's "Nellie excites Willie; Ingalls' heroin negotiations."
Runner-up: LilyG's "Nearly evisecerated women in halters, naked."
And this week's winner, which has to be the dirtiest entry we've ever had (and that's saying something), DeepFatFriar's "Naked Eisenhower wanks; it hits Nixon." Indeed!
And may I say at this point that if you didn't show up in the winners' circle, it certainly didn't mean your acro wasn't up to par, because every single person had an entry worthy of a mention. I'm just trying hard to keep it the three spots. I love you all, and you're funny and clever beyond belief. So, does anyone want to judge next week?