Love Without Gifts
A few days ago I had some aspersions cast upon my person by a friend. It wasn't dire, my friend didn't hop up and down, hurling her index finger at me and shouting "J'accuse! J'accuse!" It was more in the form of what we erudite folks know as the Stink-Eye.
It all came about when this friend asked me what I'd gotten my parents for their anniversary, and I answered, "Nothing." And when her eyebrow raised I went on to explain that I don't believe in giving anniversary gifts, even to my parents. She then answered, "Uhhhhooookay," and the aforementioned Stink-Eye appeared.
Now, I'm not an unsentimental clod. I'm a very feeling and caring person, given to tears at a kind word, a sad thought, or a commercial if it's well-written or contains dogs. But I can't help it. I don't want to give anniversary gifts to other people in love. You may think I'm unsentimental, uncaring, or a cheap-ass, and I may be one of those things, and since you all probably know anyway I'll go ahead and confess that it could well be the third one.
My parents have been married 50 years, and that's certainly something to be proud of. And I'm sure my mother deserves a gift for being married to my dad that long, just as he deserves one as well. But they deserve gifts from each other. Same with my sister and her husband, cousin Jacob and her husband, and everyone else I know who has a husband or wife.
I buy you a gift if you get married. And I buy you a gift if you have a baby. But I'm not buying you a gift every year just because you slogged through one more year of wedded bliss without calling the lawyers. I wish you well, and that's it.
And so I accepted the Stink-Eye and got on with the conversation. And I'll accept yours too. A happy marriage should be its own reward.
Betland's Olympic Update:
* So it looks like I've screwed up acrojudging, and for that I will apologize. I didn't even notice, I promise. I noticed several weeks ago when someone left a letter out of all three acros. I didn't mention it, I just noticed it. I judged badly. Mea culpa. It was still a good acro, though, wasn't it? I'll look better next week. Well, I'll look the same, actually, I'll just judge better.
6 Comments:
Wow, so it was I who fucked up acro! I didn't miss a letter, I just put it in the wrong place. Dyslexia is in, all the biggest stars say they have it, so I'll jump on the band waggon!
Now about this anniversary gift thing: I feel the same way. Your getting married doesn't obligate me to buy you gifts every year for the rest of my life!
I think it would be WEIRD to get someone an anniversary gift if they weren't your hubby or wifey.
*You're* not in the relationship. WTF?
Just like I don't send Mother's Day gifts to my grandmother or my sister -- they aren't MY mother.
Incidentally, I would like to add that Bet is extremely generous and often send gifts for NO REASON AT ALL, which is way better than getting presents for some standard holiday or whatever.
Another reason I don't send Mother's Day gifts to my grandmother is that she's dead. But you know, when she was alive, she wasn't my mother.
If she was, you'd be in some weird kind of Chinatown situation....
Okay, if it's their actual fiftieth, then I'd get them something, but other than that I have always looked at it as "it's not MY damn anniversary..."
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