Overheard At The Condiments Ball

"Haven't you heard? Hellman's been in love with Hunts for years. Unrequited, though, I'm afraid...."

I was told last night I would have made a good GoGo. And I liked hearing that. Because not only did I really like the GoGos in the early 80s, but I think I'd have made a damn good GoGo myself. I never did the drugs and sex thing like they did, but I'm such a follower. I'd have fit right in in time, I'm sure.

I've always wanted to play the guitar. Guitar or piano, because as far as instruments go, they're the cool ones. They're the ones you can play and get a following of people around you clapping and singing. I ended up with the clarinet. The fucking clarinet. And the oboe! The fucking oboe! You show me a person who takes an oboe to a campfire party, and I'll show you a person who not only lost her oboe to the campfire, but every friend she ever had as well.

I have, as most of you well know by now, an autoharp. I love that autoharp, but I can't play it. And why can't I play it? Well, mainly I can't play it because it sits leaned up against my living room wall in its case. And I don't care what you've heard, but no matter how good you are you're not going to get much of a sound from an instrument while it's still in the case. Still, I hope. I hope I'll get motivated enough to get the thing out and doodle around some more with the "Learn To Play The Autoharp" book the lovely Kellie loaned me and the few chord sheets for songs I printed out from the internet. My dream is one day I'll be able to play "The Wildwood Flower" well enough to make people cry. Just like Mother Maybelle.

My nephew is in a band, and in fact, I saw them play today. Our town is having the big "Lemonade Days" festival this weekend, and your very own Stetsons rocked the gazebo at lunchtime. It was fun. They played songs from their CD (give me $5 and I'll get you a copy), and this time around I actually knew them well enough to sing along!

I'm always trying to give my nephew CDs I've burned that are full of suggestions for their set list. I have no real hope of any of them getting in there, but I'll never stop suggesting. It's part of the fun of knowing someone in a band. Trouble is, I'm always throwing songs in there that no one knows, and what band full of self-respecting teenagers are going to want to cover songs that no one knows? The last batch I sent over to the nephew included "Draft Dodger Rag" by Phil Ochs and "Casting My Spell" by the Talismen. And "Rattle My Bones" by the Suburbs. And "The Worrying Kind" by Robert Gordon. Maybe one day I'll get him "I Don't Wanna Love You (But You Got Me Anyway)" by the Sutherland Brothers and Quiver. Who knows - and what's one more song they'll never do, right?

Anyway, after the concert, which was as I said at lunchtime and the temperature hovered at around 90 degrees, we all headed back to work where we were quickly becoming aware of the sad fact that, at least in our town, lemons = loonies. Weird day at TheCompanyIWorkFor today. I drank lots of water to replenish the gallons of sweat I lost at the concert, and helped myself to Kath's secret stash of Cheetos later in the afternoon. (It's ok, it's ok - she told me I could.)

Now it's back home, finally, and ready for Friday night chilling. But you know, I keep thinking - maybe somewhere between the dinner and the coffee and the liquor (tonight it's beer) and the movies, maybe I'll get that autoharp out of its case and see what it can do. Whatever that is, I hope it can do it by itself because I'd say I've damn near forgotten everything I originally learned.

Oh, and by the way - you know I love good old Alan F Arkin, and George Clooney's mighty cute, and Chris Cooper and David Straithairn sure are fun to watch in films, and Donald Sutherland - well, what can you say about Donald? But when it comes to nice, friendly, and down to earth, you just can't beat Don Knotts.

Yep, Don Knotts.

(That's your own Stetsons striking a casual post-concert pose up there.)

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Thanks to Mike for his topics, "Who Makes The Best Condiments," "Rock Bands In History I Could Have Been In," "Coolest Songs Only I Know," "Best Junk Foods," and "Movie Stars I Could Be Friends With." (It was getting to the end of the week; I had to cram.)
* This was a pretty rotten blog. Sorry, Mike.