Crash Into Me

I haven't done a Comfy Chair movie review in a while, mainly because I'm no movie reviewer (as you'll soon find out), and also because the last time I reviewed a movie all I talked about was how I was sure I was under the influence of LSD (see "The Return of Captain Invincible").

And it may not be fair advertising for me to call this one a Comfy Chair review, because I was not in the Comfy Chair when I viewed it. I just throw this out because I'm honest.

But over the weekend I watched a movie I'd been wanting to see, one that had gotten rave reviews, one that people are mentioning as Oscar©worthy. Then again, I never agree with the Oscars©, but I guess that's beside the point and I've drifted©. Yet again©.

So there©.

And that movie was "Crash©." (OK, I promise I won't do that anymore.)

"Crash" has an all-star cast, a big ol' all-star cast, lush photography, and enough stories to be a skyscraper. It tells us of racism in all its forms, the subtle and the not-so-subtle, the white on black kind, the black on white kind, the black on latin kind, the black on asian kind, the latin on asian kind, the rich on poor kind...and everybody hates the Jews! No, not really, I was just quoting from Tom Lehrer's "National Brotherhood Week" there, but oddly enough, that's one prejudice our writer didn't want to expound upon, apparently. Which was rather odd to me, but there you go, and no one hated fat people in this movie either, but I don't know if that's considered racism as such, and besides, it of course being a Hollywood movie, there were no fat people in it to hate anyway. Oh, but I guess the paraphrasing of Tom Lehrer in this situation was probably everybody hates the middle easterners.

And really, that's about it. I mean, as I said before, there are a Thanksgiving meal's worth of stories going on, about the racist cops, the racist hoodlums, the racist rich people, the racist immigrants, and the racist racists. And about how during 2 days in this huge city known as LA, they all keep meeting each other over and over and over. I don't meet the same people that many times in my town, and it only has about 5000 people in it.

The movie starts with a latin woman being rear-ended in her car by an asian woman. Remember this.

From then on we find out someone's been murdered, and then we start meeting all these racist people, and we know that one of them's going to end up being the murderer and one's going to end up being the murderee. And of course, the stories wind their way around this way and that, leading us to believe it'll be him, then her, then him, and then it becomes very clear, so clear that when it happens we see it coming down Main Street with a hat on, and then we have a little wrap-up and the movie's over.

So there's my review. Or not.

Now, here was my thing about "Crash." It was trite, and it was heavy-handed. It was heavy-handed of "being written by a high school student" proportions. But I was enjoying it. Well, I don't know if enjoying was the word, I guess I was enjoying it the way one would enjoy a church sermon, but I was caught up in the stories and photography and how it was all winding around. (And there's some really nice music in there as well.)

But then something happened. Something happened that ruined a movie that was probably bound for ruination anyway, but it was ruined in such a way that I can not stop thinking about it.

And I'll try to kind of pussyfoot around things here as to not spoil it for those of you who still have a hankering to see it, but when "the thing" happens, and we all know what I mean when I say "the thing," it's so out of context and out of character that it defies description. I'm convinced someone from another room came in cold to write this scene. It's that out of place.

Now, it's at this point that I guess my movie review becomes a plea. If anyone can explain this scene to me, please do so. Because I'm the first to admit that sometimes I can be a little slow on the uptake, so if I'm missing something here, please don't be afraid to embarrass me by telling me I'm an idiot. Believe me, I'll be happy to accept it just to hear the explanation.

So after the movie came that worrying time I knew would come. The time to give this movie a rating on the Movie List.

I was sorely tempted to give it the rating I created solely for the movie "The Saddest Music in the World," that would be your "Good God" rating. But it just didn't fit. Not because there weren't times when I was watching "Crash" that "Good God" didn't escape from my lips, but because the "Good God" created for "The Saddest Music in the World" was for its sheer weirdness. I needed something else to describe "Crash."

And to be honest, "One Star" almost described it. But instead I decided to go with a rating that summed up how I felt about the whole experience. *Sigh*

Because that just about says it all where "Crash" is concerned. And you can listen, Mr "Crash" Director (whose name is actually a Scottish entrail dish), I may be a rube from the South, but I know racism is rampant in this country and every other one as well. And I know it's on all sides of the racial and ethnic spectrum. And it sucks and we've probably all been as guilty of it as we've been victims of it. But apparently driving that point home by showing it over and over again in scene after scene wasn't enough for you, because you had to go and ruin any plausibility your movie ever had just to needle us a little more about it at the climax. *Sigh* indeed.

So, do you remember what I asked you to remember? How the movie begins? Well, the movie ends with a black woman who's been a supporting character throughout being rear-ended in her car by a random immigrant.

And so it's clear to me what the makers of "Crash" are really trying to say. That foreigners can't drive.

Racists! Racist Bastards!

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Acrowinners, we have acrowinners. And a good number of entries as well! And so, what can be said about "The Sandwich Loaf" that hasn't already been said?
- Honorable Mentions go to LilyG with her "Sandwich? No -- it's cake! Definitely repulsive, nevertheless." and Jellybean with her "Sandwiches need icing? Come, don't revolt needlessly."
- Runners-up go to DeepFatFriar with his "Some nerd in culinary distress risked newness." and Flipsy with her "So, nobody informed Cleaver: don’t recipe narcotically."
- And the Special Assitant to the Winner this week is Kellie with her "Served Nightly In Cancun. Drunkards Rarely Notice."
- But this week's Absolute Grand Prize Winner goes to me, with one I thought up this afternoon, "So Neauseating I Could Die Right Now." Now, normally, I'd never ever enter myself in my own contest, but since only the winner got to not eat the sandwich loaf, I'm indulging in a little self-preservation here. A girl's gotta live, right?
* Aaaaah, crap. Let's declare everyone's above entries the winners here this week! You all had great acros and nobody should have to eat the loaf.