Poor, Poor Bet

Well, there seems to be a new internet game going around. Flipsy told us about it first, then Stennie. They both blogged about it. And as I've often said, I'm nothing if not a follower, and since I had no blogging ideas tonight, I thought I might give it a try.

Apparently, if you go to the Google search engine and type, "Unfortunately, [your name]," you can find out all kinds of fun things about yourself. After reading the above blogs, I thought I'd see what I've been up to.

I typed in "Unfortunately, Bet," and got one entry. "Unfortunately, Bet died in June 1996." Well. That's no fun, and it put a quick end to my game. So I decided to go formal and try, "Unfortunately, Elizabeth," and see what misfortunes might have befallen me.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth also has some detecting to do, as a dead body is found, and none of the wedding party is above suspicion." I mean, which time? That happens to me every time I go to a wedding.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth was also suffering from Christmas-induced narcolepsy." As happens every year, I'm afraid.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth had to leave Boston because she did not have enough students signed up for the new school year." That must be about the time I tried to give those autoharp lessons.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth will not be available by phone." Oh, how I wish.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth was far too parsimonious to realize Ireland could not be held by half measures." Well, screw you. I like Ireland, and I'm not parsimonious. I had to look it up, but I did, and I'm not. So there.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth did not have a phone." I guess that's why I won't be available that way.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth has no artistic talent at all when it comes to painting or drawing." Well, you've seen the doodles, I guess my secret was out long before now.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth makes a fatal mistake and tries to 'fix' her husband Roger." Roger and I divorced shortly after that. Emphasis on "shortly."

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth died on 5/20/1838 on the island." I keep dying. At least I finally went tropical.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth has no memory of what happened to her so they put their heads together to try to discover the truth." We discovered what happened was that I "fixed" Roger.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth should have spent some of her time learning how to write characters people actually care about." Boy, should she have.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth woke up with a stomach problem." So what else is new?

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth just doesn't have any strength of conviction, and it becomes apparent from day one." Well, who didn't know that? From day one?

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth and Sir Thomas failed to produce a male heir." No, that was me and Roger.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth's friends and family were not supportive of her relationship with Larry." Larry was always misunderstood....

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth stuttered and because of the impediment, she seldom enjoyed social excursions." Which is not to say I didn't go on them. I just didn't enjoy them.

Now, last night in #squeeze when we were playing around with this little feature, Mike, Man of Mystery and Movies, came up with a new little turn. Fortunately! Let's see if I ever get lucky.

"Fortunately, Elizabeth had purchased a standard." A standard what? A standard what??

"Fortunately, Elizabeth didn't have to bear the staggering expense of her wardrobe on her own." Because we all know how owning five pairs of pants and five shirts from Target can burden one.

"Fortunately, Elizabeth found someone she could turn to for help." Yeah. Target.

"Fortunately, Elizabeth's daughter, Patricia, introduced her to a nutritional supplement." No, that's wrong. Patricia is my sister, and she has nothing to do with Orange Crapius.

"Fortunately, Elizabeth did not get a knock on the door by a CACO that day." I have no idea what a CACO is, but it's from a military site, so I doubt I'd want to see the CACO anyway.

"Fortunately, Elizabeth was released from the Tower and became Queen." And I soon recorded "Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Fortunately, Elizabeth signed her donor card and her heart becomes Grace's opportunity." Well, that's not necessarily fortunate for me, now, is it?

"Fortunately, Elizabeth is rescued from a life of sheer non-adventure and nothing-to-do-ness, in her tropical paradise, by the arrival of pirate captain Jack." I hope this is before I die on my island. Oh, Jack - hurry up.

"Fortunately, Elizabeth is now one hundred percent heterosexual and refuses to even look at semi-naked women in fashion magazines." Well, now, let's not be too hasty in that statement....

And unfortunately, Elizabeth, there are no "Fortunately, Bet" entries. I guess it's just not good to be Bet today.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* A-haaaaa!
- "Unfortunately, Mr M suffered long-term sequelae due to his prolonged cortisol excess and was left with several vertabral crush fractures." The excesses of Mr M....
- "Unfortunately, Mr M doesn't prove nearly as interesting." Well, he never did, did he?
- "Unfortunately, Mr M's surgeon removed a brain area which "bundled up" perceptions and symbols of the Total Present Moment." Well, that explains more than I could have ever hoped for.
- "Unfortunately, Mr M dies within 24 hours of his arrival." Yeah. His arrival at the Poderosa for clarinet duets. I guess death comes to us all in the "unfortunately" game.