Vehicle ID Numbers and the Lamb of God

I work for, as you all know, TheCompanyIWorkFor. And part of my many, many (many, many, many, ad infinitum) duties at TheCompanyIWorkFor is to, as only those most scientific of us would say, "do junk with vehicles."

I talk to many (many, many, etc.) people during a day's time and there is much back-and-forthing about vehicle year models, odometer readings, makes, and styles. And vehicle ID numbers. Or serial numbers, or as we in The Biz call them, VINs. And as a quick aside, why - oh, why? - do companies make car styles such as the S, the SE, the GL, the GLX, the GLXE, the GT, the ZT and the LTZ, and give them all the same fucking set of "model identifier" digits in the VIN? I curse you for that, car companies! But that's another rant for another time, so I'll breathe, let my blood pressure go back down, and get on to what I was really going to blog about.

As you might imagine, when a person like myself is talking over the phone with another person, any old person really, but mainly a person from, oh, say, Up North, there can be the odd misunderstanding over letters. And with me, even numbers can be a little suspect ("fo-or," "sehyeven"), but letters are the main problem. S is mistaken for F, M for N, C for Z, P for T, and vice versa and everything else you can think of. And so generally when I and my conversationees are talking letters, we go for the old Police Version of Saying Things. That would be your words beginning with whatever letter you're trying to communicate.

I know that somewhere out there is the "official" letters list, the Able-Baker-Charlie way of saying things, but apparently neither I nor anyone I speak to knows this list very well. So we all just use whatever words we like. Some are pretty easy. A - that tends to always be "apple" or "Adam," I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to use "boy" for B, "Mary" is the most popular M choice. And "Nancy" for N. Z is generally "zebra," though just once I want to pull out "zeitgeist" when giving a Z, to see if I can make someone squirm.

Then there are the letters that are not so easy. K is one of those. Well, for me it's easy, because K is "kite" and nothing else. But you do get the odd person fumbling around over K, finally coming up with "kiss" or "kangaroo." U is another, most use "umbrella," but the occasional "ugly" pops in, or "up," or "underwear," if one is so bold.

And in general, the whole letter thing is no big deal and we all understand each other and have a fine old time there on the phones.

But yesterday, something happened to me that prompted this whole little blog entry. And not only happened to me, but happened to me twice in the same day! My, my, what an exciting life I lead.

Now, when I'm doing my words for letters, I tend to say, "as in," or, "like." You know, "C as in cat." Some people just say the words, and I can't bring myself to do that because I feel like it makes a person sound like he's trying to be important. You know, like he is the police, or is commanding an army squadron up a hill.

Anyway, quite early on into my day yesterday a woman was reading a VIN to me over the phone. She was going along just beautifully and I was typing in letters and numbers like nobody's business. She was doing the "army squadron" version of things, not telling me letters, just telling me words. So her VIN went something like, "1GeorgeHarryVictor547Xray6Cathy...."

Upon hearing "Cathy," I typed in a K. "Kathy." Then it hit me and I said, "Uh, wait just a second," and she immediately piped in, "That's Cathy, with a C." And all was solved, and I went back to typing.

But "Cathy?" For C? That's just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Why on God's Green Earth would someone use "Cathy" as their C word? A person is just begging for trouble with a choice like that. It defies description.

And I chuckled, once I was off the phone, and got on with my day.

Then, in the afternoon, I had to do the same thing, with a different woman this time, who also decided she was leading an army squadron up a hill, giving me words only. And her VIN went something like, "2BoyHenryZebraPaul476Christ...."

Now.

I've got to tell you, she was a pretty harsh-talking type of woman, with a northern accent, and for a brief second or two I thought something had gone wrong there at her desk and she was blaspheming. "Paul476 - Christ!" I thought she'd spilled her coffee or something.

But no, she just kept on reading digits, and I was trying very hard to keep up, which was difficult what with my being in a small state of shock and all, and there were three Cs in that VIN and for every single one she used "Christ."

And I've been in a state of perplexment about this ever since.

Let's say this woman who was reading me her VIN was of a religious nature. Sure, she may have Jesus on the Brain at various points throughout her day, and especially while she was reading to me on the phone. But wouldn't she think it was a little, well, sacreligious to actually use the name of her Lord and Savior in a random reading of VIN digits?

And let's say this woman wasn't of a religious nature. No Jesus on the Brain whatsoever. Then wouldn't she not even think of "Christ?" Let's face it, there's no paucity of words out there beginning with the letter C. The list of choices boggles the mind. There are only a scant few words I can think of to use that would be worse than "Christ," and none of them are printable here, for the public at large.

So, who knows? Maybe she used to use Cathy too, and got tired of correcting herself. At least Christ always spelled His name with a C.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* We will now have a reading of the acrowinners. (rustling of papers, clearing of throat) We will not have a reading of the acrowinners. Because there weren't any this week. Ahhhh, a good "Music Man" joke. You just can't beat that one.