Life As We Knew It (With Pictures)

For a few weeks now, I've been in possession of something. Something rather fun. It's an issue of Life Magazine from July 22, 1966.

Now, I'd had this for these weeks, and hadn't really looked at it very well, certainly not cover-to-cover. So this weekend, at Mr M's, when I had some alone time and sleep wasn't forthcoming, I gave it more than just the regular scan. And had a good time.

I like looking at old things, and I like the 60s. This would explain perfectly my fascination with old high school yearbooks, an item I began to collect at one time till I realized they were 1) quite expensive, and 2) quite hard to find. I have several, though, from schools in Pittsburgh, Tampa, Valparaiso, Indiana, and other places. I also have one from LA, 1977, that features Marc Copage, the kid from the old TV show "Julia," as a student. One day Marc's gonna make a comeback and I'm selling that baby on Ebay for, well, hopefully for enough to get my shower wall repaired.

But anyway, back to the magazine. I sat there on Mr M's leather sofa and looked through it, every page, read some articles, skipped others (generally the long ones), and spent a lot of time reminiscing over the ads.

There was an editorial on Lady Bird Johnson's beautification of America project, and one called "'Black Power' Must Be Defined," which used the word "Negro" as many times as I've ever seen in a half-page article, and basically says that Black Power must be defined as trying to better one's black self by playing by the rules and not getting too uppity.

There were reviews, an album review of the latest Coleman Hawkins release and a movie review of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf." The latter doesn't say a great deal about the movie, other than the reviewer liked it, but mainly speaks of the brouhaha over all the salty language in the film. Which made me giggle a little because I've seen this film within the last, hmm, probably year, definitely two years, and I don't remember anything salty about it.

The big news story was about a spy ring being busted, an American named William Whalen and a Czech named Frank Mrkva. Of course, I was only six at the time, but neither the case nor any of the names meant anything at all to me. There was an interesting section, though, called "The Innocents, Now Lonely and Puzzled," about the children of these guys. And how sad they looked, in their yards, with their bikes, sporting their little pixie haircuts.

Another news story was about a ski lift in the French Alps that broke. There were pictures of the rescue, that was cool.

The "Newsfront" section of the magazine, this would be on a par with People Magazine's "Star Tracks," I'm guessing, had a lovely picture of Frankie himself and Mia Farrow. They were announcing their engagement.

There was a little story about Jacques Mayol. Everybody remembers good old Jacques, don't they? Well, I didn't either, but apparently he'd just broken the world's record for deep diving, going 198 feet down into the brine. I've got to say that this intrigued me and so I went looking for the current diving record. It's 330 meters. No meters back in the 60s, so I went to a conversion chart to see how many feet that was, and it came up at an astounding 1082 feet. I still have trouble believing this and am sure I'm wrong, so hopefully if any of you reading me are mathletes, you can tell me if I'm horribly off.

The two big stories in the magazine were the cover story, all about the Miracle of Birth (and gestation), and a bio on James Dickey, the "unlikeliest poet." Dickey's story I gave a pass, although a headline within it says, "He likes people who moonshine and hunt," and so I probably should have read it, not that I necessarily like people who hunt, but anyone who can cook up a good Mason jar of moonshine is OK by me.

The birth story was about Margareta Falk, a Swedish woman, and it told her story from conception till the time she spat the baby out just like a big Swedish peach seed. It was loaded with pictures, really, really good pictures, and as I was enjoying the photography of the article I noticed that the pictures were taken by Lennart Nilsson. This is the man who would, many years later, make all of those amazing photos and films of eggs being fertilized and babies growing in the womb. The ones we saw on PBS and marveled at. He went right from photographing babies from the outside to photographing them from the inside, and one can only wonder where he'll photograph them next. "The first photo of a baby as the twinkle in his father's eye!"

There was a fantastic photo layout of the new animal print line from designer Rudi Gernreich. Now, Rudi I know, because one of my very favorite pictures from the 60s is of a rather fetching woman, with rather fetching breasts, modeling one of Rudi's topless bathing suits. In fact, I used that photo in my display at the last Barbie convention when I entered the "bathing suit competition," well, I entered it with a Barbie, one who was wearing a replica of that suit. And so I made her look just like the woman, slicked black hair, heavy eye make-up, and, well, fetching breasts. As Barbie has.

The whole animal suit runs $500-700, a bargain, I say, and you can get a more conservative animal print sheath for a steal at $55. The best, though, is the animal print bikini. A cool $7.

There was also, in the "Modern Living" section of Life, a story about the latest trend in garden furniture. Apparently in 1966 it was all about op art. There are chairs, sofas, and umbrellas of such design it conjures up the most delightful thoughts. Of upper middle class folks, out on the patio, having a lovely Friday night barbecue tripping out on LSD with their golf buddies and bridge partners.

However, the biggest kick I got out of the whole Life in 1966 experience was looking at the ads. Boy, the memories that brought back.

Saw lots of cigarette ads, the Marlboro Man in all his glory, and Viceroy, and a kind I'd never heard of, King Sao cigarettes. Not one single warning in these ads. No cancer, no lung damage, no emphysema, no "not good for pregnant women." Smoke up, everybody! There were soft drink ads, 7-Up and Canada Dry Ginger Ale, with glass bottles and tops that need a bottle opener for removal. And six-pack cartons! I used to love six-pack cartons. The things you could do with an old Coke carton when you were playing in 1966.... (Barbie time machines were always a good one, btw.)

Clairol was using its "Does she or doesn't she - only her hairdresser knows for sure" slogan in their ad, and Ford was announcing its big new feature - a tailgate that not only swung down like a tailgate but also opened like a door! - that would be available on Falcons and Fairlanes. The Falcon station wagon. Now there was a car.

Probably my favorite ad, and the one that sort of inspired this whole blog, was for Phoenix Mutual. It featured a picture of a very happy couple indeed, announcing to the world that because of their Phoenix Mutual funds, "We retired in 15 years with $300 a month!" One can only hope this couple is dead now, because if they're not, they're starving and living in a refrigerator box somewhere.

There were drinking ads, of course, for Budweiser, who wasn't the King of Beers back then but was "worth it," (boy, there's a ringing endorsement), and Schlitz, always thought by me to be the "only drink it when you've got the DTs and and that's all that's available" libation, featuring a very now and with-it upscale New York-looking couple out for a night on the town. There was an ad for something called Laird's Apple Jack, which I just couldn't even imagine, and for Gilbey's gin, featuring three very dapper gentlemen indeed. They were the "any Tom, Dick, or Harry" one was supposed to ask about the tastiness of Gilbey's.

The best liquor ad, though, was for Smirnoff vodka. It features a very young and cute Woody Allen mugging for the camera and making me really want a vodka martini right now, though not necessarily with Smirnoff.

Hey, know what a full-sized Simmons Beautyrest mattress and boxspring cost in 1966? Well, according to Life, $109. There was also an ad for something I remember vividly though never got to buy, as in our family we didn't buy things like that, French's Doggie Do-Nuts. When I was growing up if our dogs needed a treat, we just gave them some of our popcorn or potato chips. Or the last lick of our ice cream.

Two medicinal ads. One was for Phillips Milk of Magnesia, and no, it didn't make mention of the "Con-sti-PA-tion!" theme song from their TV commercials. Instead it was a little cartoon ad of a family going on vacation and the mom and dad making sure they didn't leave home without the Phillips. Because God forbid one should get caught at the beach, where it's all hot and everything, with a raging case of irregularity. The other was for Bayer aspirin and featured a photo of a woman in a lounge chair in her backyard, watching the little ones whoop it up in their inflatable pool. The text says, "When hot weather makes you feel headachy, tense, and irritable, 2 Bayer aspirin and a short rest can help you feel better fast." Now, first of all, it's not the weather, lady. It's your kids screaming and splashing around that's making you feel headachy, tense, and irritable. And if I were you, I'd reach for something other than Bayer. Possibly something Woody Allen is hawking above.

Exxon was still Esso and still liked to use the old "tiger in your tank" slogan, and Chiquita bananas were still telling us that they use only the best bananas in their bunches. And Volvo was boasting that their new models now came with automatic transmission, but if this car was from 1966, I'll eat my hat. Volvo? More like the Russian Volga to me.

And so soon enough my time machine, which was a magazine rather than a six-pack carton, upended me and deposited me back into the 21st century. But I had fun there on the sofa, thinking about glass bottles instead of plastic, and long skinny cars, well, except for that hunched-over Volvo there. But it was a nice trip. I've always said if I could ever go backwards or forwards in time I'd ask to be taken straight to 1965, knowing what I know now, and this was a little slice of what it might be like.

Oh, and the reason I even had the magazine in the first place? Just a little article on the hot new up-and-comer in the acting world. Some fellow named Alan Arkin.

Betland's Olympic Updates:
* Acrowinners, we have acrowinners. And did you chime in with your opinions on whether I should keep or kill acro. Thanks for all comments, and I can't believe some of you out there think your acros are dumb. You're not dumb!
- Honorable Mention goes to Stennie with her "Death! No -- oh, no -- Imeantcake!," and Jellybean with her "Don't never omit needed inanity." Stennie's was a cheat, but a very funny cheat, and Jellybean's was more profound than she may even realize.
- Runner-up goes to Flipsycab with her "Do not obliterate, nerds insist!" Well, if the nerds insist, how could I refuse?
- And this week's winner goes to the dishy Michelle with her "Don't nullify! Orville needs it!" Oh, God. How could I disappoint Orville?
- Thanks to everyone. You've all done very well! You've also made me very happy. I love you all.