Beating A Dead Horse

It's Tuesday here in Betland. Tuesday has a couple of distinctions around here. One's generally (though certainly not always) good, and one's generally not so good.

The good is that Tuesday is Blog In Earnest Day around here, the night I try to post an honest to God I wrote it myself blog. That's normally pretty fun, for me, anyway, although on those nights when I'm stumped for ideas it tends to lose its luster. The not so good thing is that Tuesday is bad mail day.

I don't know what it is, but for the whole of my mail-getting life, Tuesday has been the worst day for mail. I love mail, you know, get excited when the post office box pops open and I see my take for the day, be it bills, cards, letters, or that most wonderful of golden treats, the "you have a package too big for your box, so come to the postal window to pick it up" card.

I guess I've been pretty spoiled lately too, with Christmas and packages I'd ordered arriving, and packages from kind people arriving, and holiday cards and CDs from the Mix Exchange winging their ways to me. Even bad Tuesdays were tolerable, with the occasional card coming in.

But this week it was business as usual, and today when the mail came, I was the recipient of three lousy pieces of mail. A statement telling me how my IRA is doing (limping along, thanks), a check to me from Citgo for $1400 (normally this would be quite the nice piece of mail, but I can only apparently use this $1400 to pay for things which will later become part of a Citgo Visa), and an envelope from the ASPCA holding my 2007 membership package.

That last one was news to me. I gave money to the ASPCA during Hurricane Katrina, and was glad to do so, but never got the first piece of mail from them until today. I've gotten email after email, email "alerts" they call them, generally telling me how they liked my money and would certainly enjoy having some more of it, but nothing tangible. But today, here was a package telling me I was a member for 2007, over a year since I gave them money the first time without inclusion into their little club.

I got a welcoming letter, telling me again they liked my money and liked it so much they could find lots of places for more of it, and a membership card which I still don't understand. I mean, sure, I understand what a membership card is, it's a card that says you're a member, but this card is quite odd. It's a little piece of cardboard with "ASPCA 2007" emblazoned across the top of it, and has a picture of a dog and cat, and in the mouth of each is a plastic "conversation bubble." You know, the little things over cartoon people's heads holding their words. Only these animals aren't cartoons, they're real, and the way they're holding these plastic conversation bubbles in their mouths is not natural, nor aesthetically pleasing, and I found myself wondering if it was up to me to come up with some catchy phrases to try and write into these bubbles to personalize my card. I could only come up with two ideas for this, one being the dog's bubble saying, "I need a home!" and the cat's bubble saying, "I suck the breath out of babies!" (it's an old wives' tale, you know) and the other being the dog's bubble saying, "I'm a cat!" and the cat's bubble saying, "I'm a dog!" They got them mixed up, you see. Quite humorous in the animal world.

Anyway, not knowing quite how to proceed on that one, I just put it back into the envelope with the letter expressing appreciation for my money.

Then I got an ASPCA bumper sticker. It is also emblazoned with the legend "ASPCA," and has a picture of what I suppose is their logo. And it's so odd I had to print a picture of this bumper sticker right here, right in the old blog, for you to see.















Now, I know this picture isn't very clear, it's not that clear in person, either, but in case you can't completely make it out, it's a picture of an angel, come down from heaven above, to intervene in the act of a man with a horse and carriage, and he's beating his horse to death! I guess maybe when the ASPCA came into being the act of draft horse-beating was more popular than it is now, and I know you're not going to believe this, but we used to have a client some years ago at work who actually did time for beating a horse to death. So I guess it still goes on, and I have spent a fair amount of time over the years wondering exactly what goes through a person's mind as he beats a horse to death, but that's one I fear I'll never quite figure out.

But still, this logo really bothers me. It bothers me that men beat horses to death, but I'm afraid it bothers me more that the ASPCA chooses to keep this as their logo after all these years. Why not update the angel a bit and have her coming down from heaven above to gently pat the heads of some homeless animals? Or give them a treat? Or play fetch with a divine stick?

And what bothers me more is that the ASPCA expects me to display this sticker, put it right in the window of podmobile2, so the world, or at least the passing traffic on the Betty Bet Bet Inspirational Highway, can see, courtesy of me, a man beating a horse to death. The squeamish sickened, the children crying, all right there on Rt 460. I don't think so.

I went to the ASPCA's website later in the day, and could find this logo nowhere on their page. I found the picture of the dog and cat with the awkward conversation bubbles, they're right up there at the top of the first page of the website. But no man beating a horse. Maybe they figure it will turn off prospective members, or maybe they think I once beat a horse and therefore sent this to me as a warning, or something. I'm not sure. For the record, I've never beaten a horse in my life. I want that right out here in the open.

I'm happy to be a member, though, even if I fear my membership won't become official till I send them some more money. Because, you know, they like my money.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Acrowinners, we have acrowinners! So, what was the worst New Year's resolution you ever made?
- Honorable Mentions go to River Selkie, with her, "Earn money toweling red asses," and LilyG, with her "Eat more to repel Adam." (I've done that one many years, Lily. Adam hates me now.)
- Runner-Up goes to Stennie, with her "Every morning, trim Rimsey's anus hair." (I wonder how long that lasted. Thanks, Stenns, for dating your resolutions as well.)
- And this week's winner is the DeepFatFriar, with his "Eliminate my two remaining arteries."
- Thanks to all who played, for brightening my day. You've all done very well!