It's An Odd World

Yes, it certainly is. I find that out all the time around here, when I least expect it.

Last night I was ordering a few musical items from the Woodwind and Brasswind website, some clarinet reeds and I even splashed out on a ligature for myself just because it looked interesting. I'll bite on just about anything for the clarinet that looks interesting, against the wishes of Mr M, because it's all normally crap, but interesting-looking crap nonetheless.

Anyway, Woodwind Brasswind, or WWBW as they call themselves, sell all manners of musical items, some expensive and some not. But imagine my surprise when I entered the little page there to order my clarinet reeds and found that I could finance them for only $15.00 a month!

The reeds cost $13.89.

And so I chuckled a bit and then found the ligature, which is cool-looking and a probable piece of crap, because it was only $35.99, but I can also finance it for $15.00 a month, so I guess everything's financable at WWBW. A thumbrest? 99 cents, but you can finance it for $15.00 a month! A bargain, sign up now!

This is, if you'll recall, but you probably won't because it was a long time ago, the same website that when I was looking for teeth cushions (to keep me biting a hole in my lip), gave me a list of related items, a list containing about six different sets of bagpipes. That I could finance for $15.00 a month, I'm guessing.

Anyway, I got my shipping confirmation tonight and found that they're sending me a saxophone version of the sure-to-be craptastic ligature, so I won't get to use it anyway, at least not for a long time since I'll have to exchange it. I think Mr M may have had something to do with this, but I can't prove it.

I cleaned my house tonight, and cleaned it quite well, thanks, and decided to celebrate by taking a post-cleaning bath. I ran the water and as I did so, prepared to slide a "why do I bother" single serving frozen meal into the oven. I wasn't expecting much, which was a good thing because it wasn't, but as I was reading the directions, here's what I saw.

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Do not exceed 350 degrees. (I almost went to 355, just to be snotty about it.)
2. Remove tray from carton, pull back plastic cover to vent. (I wonder if anyone ever forgets and just puts box and all in there?)
3. Place tray on baking sheet on middle oven rack. (When I was young I used to think that meant, "On the middle of the oven rack." I was always very careful not to slide it too far back. I'm smarter now.)
4. Cook for 30 minutes. (Now, I personally don't call putting pre-made, pre-cooked, and possibly pre-digested crap in a plastic tray into the oven cooking, but if they want to make me feel better about it all, fine, they can have at it.)
5. When removing from oven, keep tray on baking sheet. (Lest ye spill.) Let stand 1-2 minutes. (I swear, for a moment, without my glasses, I thought it said, "Let's stand 1-2 minutes," and I almost did.) Stir and enjoy.

OK. I'll stir, but I dare you to order me to enjoy this! I refuse to enjoy it, and I didn't, because the potatoes were lumpy and the chicken was three tiny chips of meat drowned in some thick brown sauce. I shall not enjoy it!

After the meal and before chatting tonight, I decided to brush my teeth, and was shocked to find that my toothpaste came with directions. I guess I've been living under the assumption all these years that toothbrushing was something that came naturally.

1. For adults and children over 2 years. (Because, well, those are the people who generally have teeth. Please don't brush your baby's gums because you think it would be "a good idea.")
2. Brush after meals or twice a day or as directed by a dentist. (I'm sure the toothpaste people are hoping your dentist tells you to brush each time you swallow, but what if your dentist, who loves money and to fill teeth, says, "Brushing is optional?")
3. Do not swallow. (I've never understood this one. We stick it in our mouths twice a day, but we can't swallow? I guess that could read, "Do not swallow. Unless you are stranded in the Andes and it's toothpaste or Bob.")

It's a shame they didn't tell me to enjoy it, because I enjoyed it way more than I did the frozen dinner.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* My snack later in the evening was some unsalted dry roasted peanuts, and I liked what that jar had to say to me. "Ingredients: Peanuts." However, they then went and ruined it all by having a warning. "Allergy Warning: Contains peanuts."
* You can't win.