Oh, The Shame

As you all know, for if you don't you definitely haven't been listening, I am a Text Twist addict. I play over and over, during my lunch hour from work, when I get home while deciding what my evening's work activities should be, and often late into the night. That's not what this is about, though. It's not the problem. I can stop anytime I want to, really I can.

What the problem is is that Text Twist is part and parcel of a website that stays afloat by ads. Not pop-up ads and thank God for that, because as much as I love playing Text Twist I couldn't do it if pop-up ads were a part of it. To me, pop-ups are like flies, and just knowing one is in the room will make my blood pressure start to boil.

Sure, there are the "banner ads," the ones at the top of the site which I can use my scroll to move off the screen. That saves me from looking at them. Unfortunately, that doesn't save me from the fact that some of them (thank you, oh-so very much, Microsoft and Hewlett Packard, you bastards) "break" the game, which doesn't necessarily mean the game's broken, it just pauses for anywhere from 4 to 12 seconds at a time, the letters won't move on the screen, and when the clock starts moving again, those seconds are forever lost. When this happens three to four times during a round, you'd better have your six-letter word already in mind, because time is, well, going to be of the essence.

Then there are the ads that take the screen while the game is loading. Normally I don't mind these so much, as ads go, anyway, because they don't last long, and I can check my email or do other surfing while I wait. But they're annoying ads. And I'm sure all of you, on some website or other, have seen these ads. If not the exact ones, then a thousand just like them.

"Win a free dinner from The Cheesecake Factory if you can make a tic-tac-toe!" And the small boxed ad has a tic-tac-toe grid and the three Os are right in the center, holding up their little O arms screaming, "Here we are! Here we are!"

"Win a free dinner from The Olive Garden if you can find the word "free" in this grid!" And there's a small grid of letters, all Xs, Vs, and Zs, with F-R-E-E right in the middle of the grid, in red, flashing, with arrows pointing to each letter. (Shouldn't you have to be able to find the word "Ciao" to win dinner at the Olive Garden, though?)

However, the most annoying, and therefore the best, of these little box ads are the celebrity ads. "Who is this Hollywood Couple?" And there's a picture of Brad and Angelina, in all their glory save for pixelated faces, and we get the choices to pick from: 1) Brad and Angelina 2) Brad and Jennifer Anniston, and 3) some really off-the-wall pick like Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis.

Or "Who is this celebrity?" And it's a high school photo of George Clooney, or Bruce Willis, or Tom Hanks, or even Michael Jackson (giving you a couple of white guys as the other choices for him, which is funny, as high school was the only time Michael Jackson was actually black). These old photos of the famous are either incredibly obvious (Tom Hanks was the same in high school save for a more embarrassing hairdo), or they're the same old celebrity high school pictures we've all seen a hundred times before. (With George's money, you'd think he could get rid of that one high school picture of himself.)

Speaking of Angelina, there's a photo contest for her - "Who is this actress?" And there's a picture of Angelina in all her glory, as that girl from "Tomb Raider," and it's - well, it's a picture of Angelina Jolie with a small black strip over her eyes. The body's there, the hair, nose, and well, the lips. I mean, they'd have fooled more people if they'd have let her eyes go free and put the black strip over her lips. Anyway, the choices we have to choose from are Ms J herself, blonde and buxom Jessica Simpson, which that doesn't so much tell you that's the incorrect answer as the fact that the contest says "actress," and someone else, and it doesn't really matter, it's someone just as ludicrous as Jessica Simpson, and the whole reason I even mention this, other than the lips, is because of that "Tomb Raider" outfit. That "Tomb Raider" girl wears a silver belt with something engraved on it I swear is a brain. And that's just rather odd, if you ask me.

So anyway, the whole reason for this little entry, and for my undying shame. Yesterday, I came home from lunch and brought up Text Twist, hit all the right buttons, and came to my small box ad while the game was loading. And it was a celebrity quiz I'd not seen before. It was a "Who is this actor?" game, and there was a picture of a curly-haired smiling guy, and I got the choices of Tom Cruise, George Clooney, and Adam Sandler.

And I didn't know who it was.

I know it wasn't George, because it wasn't that awful picture of him (with the bad haircut) we're used to seeing. But was it Cruise? The hair was wrong, but the nose was right. Was it Sandler? The eyes were wrong, but the hair was right.

And I still don't know.

And I'm embarrassed to admit that, and even more embarrassed to admit that I care.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Acrowinners, we have acrowinners. A night late, but we have them. And so, what about corned beef.
- First of all, to Duke, who refused to play, in this instance "corn" does not refer to the yellow stuff, but it is a verb meaning, "to ruin." Actually, it means, "To cure the hell out of with salt and other stuff." What I don't understand is why there isn't corned chicken and corned ham. And corned hot dogs and corned potatoes. And, well, corned corn.
- Honorable Mention goes to Kellie (with an ie), with her, "Eat Slowly. Devour, Oh Righteous Dinner."
- Runner-Up goes to LilyG, with her, "Eat-Slim diet? Only radish decoration."
- And this week's winner goes to DeepFatFriar, with his, "Eat some, drool, order recurring dishes."
- Thanks to all who played - you've all done very well!