My Head's a Dead Head

Over the weekend I watched, for the umpty-twelfth time, "Deadhead Miles." While I have an affinity for this movie I can't quite explain, I must tell you it was Mr M's fault this time. I was headed there for the weekend, and he suggested I bring it. He also has an affinity for this movie, and I don't know if he can explain it or not. He's never explained it to me. It makes him chuckle, though, which is a rare feat in moviedom.

So as I sat sideways in Mr M's nice leather chair Saturday watching "Deadhead Miles," I began to form some theories about this movie. To paraphrase Ms Anne Elk, this theory is mine, and it is my theory. I don't know if any of my thoughts are right. I don't care. I don't think there is any right or wrong where this movie is concerned.

I guess before I start postulating about a movie none of you have seen - I mean, if you've seen this movie, I want to hear about it, because you're one of tens - I suppose I should tell you a little about it. First of all, it stars no less a person than Alan F Arkin himself playing a loony truck driver. He's brilliant. Then, it was written by Terrence Malick, who went on to become very famous making "Badlands," "Days of Heaven," and "The Thin Red Line." It also features Paul Benedict (Bentley from "The Jeffersons"), Avery Schreiber, Loretta Swit, and and cameos by Ida Lupino and George Raft, but that doesn't really figure into things, so we'll leave that be.

"Deadhead Miles" has no plot. It has an outline. Alan Arkin is driving around in a twice-stolen semi-truck. See, the people he worked for stole it from a reputable trucking company, then he stole it from the people he worked for. He takes off with a trailer full of carburetors for parts west. Almost immediately he stops at a fruit market for an apple and a gourd, and is accosted by two hitch-hikers and a dog, and shoos them away. "I hate hitch-hikers, they're a waste of time," he declares. They persist, and finally he agrees to take one of them. The two confab, and the male of the hikers gets the ride. (That's Bentley.) And so off they go, and that's the movie.

We don't know where either are headed, or what they have in mind once they get there. The next 80 minutes of the film (it's only 90 minutes long) consists of scene after non-sequitirial scene (did I make up a word?), none that lead anywhere. The story goes that this movie was made and immediately shelved for many years. I believe it, and understand it. I happened upon a copy shown and recorded from A&E network some years ago. Thank you, A&E.

And so on Saturday, during that umpty-twelfth viewing, I tried to figure out anything about this movie. Why I liked it, why it was made, where the ideas came from, and so on. I didn't get far, but here's what I came up with.

1. This movie was written, on post-it notes, napkins, the backs over overdue bills, and possibly apartment walls, as a showcase for all the conversational hilarity Terrence Malick has enjoyed throughout his life. Because that's what I glean every time I see this movie. The scenes aren't in any kind of arc save for how much farther west they take place. They're just sketches and vignettes that feature some of the funniest lines and conversational backs and forths I've heard in ages. And when these exchanges and one-liners take place, it hits you - "Oh! This is why this scene is here."

2. This movie, when finished, was nine and a half hours long. It was the "Berlin Alexanderplatz" of semi-truck movies. When the studio got hold of it, they hired the most ruthless editor in the business. I keep trying to convince myself that somewhere in a shoebox in a studio in Hollywood there's miles and miles -deadhead miles, even - of more footage of this film. Film that goes into why Mr Arkin's character is like he is. About where the hitch-hiker is headed and why. About, oh, anything resembling a plot. If you work in a studio, please check around for a dusty shoebox. For me.

3. This movie, when finished, was 45 minutes long. It was barely a short feature. When the studio got hold of it, they hired the opposite of the most ruthless editor in the business, and he went through lighting tests, outtakes, and bloopers to flesh the film out. Really. I keep splicing and splicing this film in my head, wondering if taking anything out would actually make a more logical story. So far, I've been unsuccessful.

4. Everyone involved in this movie may well have been on drugs. Now, I can't accuse, and I don't judge, but there's some weird shit going on in this movie. There's a ghost story scene, an urban legend scene, a visual gag scene, and a scene thrown in for the sole purpose of telling one of the oldest jokes in humanity. If I myself was a drug-taker, I wouldn't mind getting all toked up and going for my umpty-thirteenth viewing.

5. Somewhere, maybe while brushing his teeth, Terrence Malick had a split second, maybe while spitting, where he envisioned "Deadhead Miles" would have a sequel. This movie not really limps, but crawls to an end. No one got where they were hoping to get, well, I'm supposing this, since we didn't really know where they were going in the first place. Arkin just ditches his hitch-hiker, his trailer, and his twice-stolen truck, takes his belongings in a paper bag, and begins to walk. He then stops and sticks out his thumb. Freeze-frame, and a voiceover of the film's earlier, "I hate hitch-hikers." So is it that final irony of becoming what you hated? Or! Is it where "The Original Deadhead Miles" leaves off? "Deadhead Miles II" takes Mr F Arkin on a new odyssey as the hitch-hiker being hauled around by his own crazy truck driver!

Nah. Sadly, that last theory even I'm a little suspect of. Interesting idea, though.

I guess I'll have to just keep loving "Deadhead Miles" for what it is. An incredibly goofy way to spend 90 minutes. Sometimes it's best not to overthink.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Holy Lord! I published this blog without adding the acrowinners. We can remedy that. Acrowinners, we have acrowinners! So, tell me what stinks about getting old.
- Honorable Mention goes to the dishy Michelle, with her, "Overt retardation, terrible tits, nymphomania." Hell, I have two of those now.
- Runner-Up goes to the DeepFatFriar, with his, "Orange, rotten teeth; tattered nails."
- And this week's winner is LilyG, with her, "On rising, those terrible noises." Sadly, I have that, too. I fear I'm joining the ranks of the aged.
- Thanks to all who played, you've all done very well!