Thursday, March 06, 2008

The Great Oz Has Spoken

Hello.

You know, I'd completely forgotten all about it.

I blogged about, well, let's go back to the beginning. About 18 months ago I did a long, rambling, ranting, raving, hair-pulling, and foot-stomping blog, and it was all about how everything in this country is so fucking overpackaged. Sealed bags are within sealed bags, sealed bags are within sealed boxes, and items are encased in plastic wombs that only kitchen knives will unleash.

I revised that blog, continued it, if you will, back in January.

When I bought Sherman a remote control sports car for Christmas (yes, I buy my toys toys, what of it?), it was packed away in a box sealed so tightly and bolted in with so many untwistable twist-ties that it took me almost an hour to open it. We went from fingers to fingernails to knives to wire cutters. It would have been funny had it not been so frustrating, and even then Mr M and I did laugh, but it wasn't a belly laugh, it was more of a sickly chuckle.

About halfway through the opening process, I started telling Mr M I was writing a letter to the makers of this contraption of horror giving them a piece of my mind, and yes, I know, how very generous of me when I have so little to share. Mr M bet me I wouldn't, and so then it was written in stone. I had to do it. And I did.

For those of you who may have missed it, here was my letter, written January 2d, and written only because the maker, MGA Entertainment, had a website as frustrating as their packaging. It would only take complaints of 2500 words. I've written thank-you notes longer, you know me.

I'm an adult woman. Childless, but a sometime toy and doll collector who will buy something that strikes my fancy.

Over the Christmas holidays I purchased your Bratz remote control sports car. I'm sure you know the one. The white convertible with FM radio capacity, opening doors and trunks, and safety belts on the seats. And don't get me wrong. It's a great car. It's well-made, adorable, and works perfectly.

The problem with the car is that I didn't think I'd ever get to experience the fun of owning it.

I brought your car home from the store and proceeded to open it up. It was approximately 8:00 pm. I began on the outside, on the plastic pull tabs. They were taped shut to the box. They would not pull open, nor would they give when I slid a finger or fingernail underneath them. I tore the plastic around them for the first two tabs, then resorted to a small kitchen knife for the rest.

Once I had the box open, I found that the car, which in its box is perched on a small cardboard platform, a platform that has nothing underneath it, well, almost nothing, was taped to both the box and the platform, and that you had also taken to using a favorite packaging item, twist-ties, to bolt it down on each side. And to add insult to injury, these twist-ties weren't just poked through plastic and cardboard and twisted. They were - as I'm sure you already know, since you did this - run through thick plastic bolts, then knotted anywhere from three to five times. And these twist-ties are not the simple kind we get around TV wires and the like. They are so thick and unwieldy, fingers became sore after about the second knot.

After finally getting the cardboard platform untied from the box, I was left with - a really cute car affixed to a cardboard platform. With tape, which I managed to cut away, only to find that what was underneath that cardboard platform was more bolts and twist-ties, this time with the ties not only threaded through the bolts and knotted multiple times, but also threaded through the spokes of each of the car's tires. After untwisting the first tire's knots, I could take it no more. I resorted to the kitchen knife again, but these twist-ties were so thick and strong the knife wouldn't cut through them. Finally, my friend, who until now had been watching me tackle this automobile with some bemusement, went looking through his tools and found a wire cutter.

He cut the twist-ties and freed the car from the cardboard platform, and we were still left with a car we could not play with, because we had to de-thread the remainder of the twist-ties through the spokes of the car.

So I began opening my car at 8:00 pm. I finally began the task of loading the batteries into it at 8:55. And pardon me for being so bold, but that's just too long.

I know of no reason your packaging must be like this. It's absurd. In fact, there was a point during the opening where I wondered aloud what Christmas morning must be like for the poor child receiving this car, this child who's chomping at the bit to play with it, and the poor parent who gives it and has to spend the entire morning getting the thing out of the box. And isn't the age recommendation you place on your products actually wrong, when a knife is needed to open the box for play to begin?

If you can explain to me why you must use these overpackaging methods, I would love to hear it.

Thank you

I mailed the letter the next day, and pretty much forgot about it. Until yesterday.

In yesterday's mail, there was a plain white envelope addressed to little old me. It had nothing on it but a stick-on address label. I turned it over, and saw the return address sealing the envelope said "MGA Entertainment." A-ha! I scared those corporate bastards enough to have them mailing me a groveling apology!

I opened the envelope, and found the letter inside, typed in Comic Sans font, about 16pts big.

Dear Bet's Full Name,

Thank you for contacting MGA Entertainment.


We apologize in advance for the error you were getting through the website.


We appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and comments about our Bratz Remote Control Sports car. We are sorry for the inconvenience you had to go through to get the car out of its original package.


We would definitely take your comments in consideration to our packaging department. Thank you nevertheless.


Sincerely,


MGA Entertainment


Well. That was some letter, huh.

1. "We apologize in advance for the error you were getting through the website." No you didn't. Had you apologized in advance, you'd have called me before I had a nervous breakdown trying to write a 2500-word complaint.

2. "We appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts...." Shouldn't that be, "We appreciate your taking the time?" That's how I learned it, but I went to school in the sticks.

3. "We would definitely take your comments in consideration to our packaging department." Huh? You would? You would if what? We would definitely take your comments to our packaging department a) if we had a packaging department, b) if we thought they'd listen to us, c) if they weren't in a separate building on the other end of the lot, d) if it wasn't lunchtime. If what?

4. "Thank you nevertheless." I looked this up in the dictionary. It means, "Never under any circumstances whatsoever are we ever going to mention this to anyone. Now go away from us."

I can only hope it took so long to get a reply because of the other letters pouring in from people who still don't have their sports cars out of the box.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Maybe I should have had Mr Peabody's crack team of lawyers draft my letter.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Lily said...

Interesting. How's this one? I was complaining about the bad packaging change on Jell-o pudding cups. The big new plastic cups had a weird aftertaste. So I wrote them about it -- so they send me coupons for MORE free Jell-o cups. Sigh.

11:14 PM  
Blogger Duke said...

Lily's experience reminds me of a girl I knew in college. She bought some frozen dinners so awful she couldn't eat them so she wrote the company. They sent her coupons for 20 more crummy dinners plus some other stuff she couldn't eat.

I use Acronis True Image to do my system backups. I upgraded to a newer version and one feature wouldn't work so I emailed Acronis. The next day I got a phone call at work. He agreed to call me later at home, and he did. He stepped me through the process and it didn't work for him either. He turned it over to the head of tech support. He couldn't get it to work. The product was buggy.

I have to give them points for trying although it didn't fix a damn thing. They said "SORRY" and hung up.

3:12 AM  

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