I Didn't Lie, I Just Asked

Hello, blogees. As you may or may not know, and if you don't I don't know what planet you went to on vacation, we are smack-dab in the middle of an economic crisis.

Yes, a scant month or so ago it was business as usual. The rich were getting richer, the poor were getting poorer, and people like me in the middle were staying right where they were. Then Fannie and Freddie took a dive, big banks went bust, and it was mass hysteria.

The last time I can remember anything remotely like this happening was back in 1987. That was the New Black Monday, the day the stock market took a nosedive and everyone on Wall Street was climbing on the window ledge while The Powers That Be were predicting the Next Great Depression. It didn't really have an effect on me.

See, these things never have an effect on me. 1987 didn't, good and bad times have come and gone, nationally and regionally, and I've still stayed right in the middle where I've always been. I've seen my way through a dozen coal miners' strikes and the railroad leaving town. I have job security, and I've collected my paycheck, banked it away, bought groceries and a few extras, and there you go. It's been my life.

Until now.

And let me state right off the bat that I know I'm luckier than most. I say that often when I'm talking finances. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a car to drive. I can pay for cable and internet, and my lights are on, and my water runs. What's more, I have the ultimate golden security blanket. Two parents who'd rather take a railroad spike to the head than to see me go without the necessities. So, yeah, I'm lucky.

However, for the first time in a long time, I'm having a little bit of a budget crunch. Sure, I've had temporary setbacks, phases of poverty where I have to learn to eat creatively and save change, "adventure living," I call it, but I've never had to sit down with a stack of bills and figure out which ones I can pay and which ones I can't.

And thank God I'm not at that point now. Yet.

I've been feeling this little crunch for a couple of months, ever since I decided I didn't like the suddenly overblown balance on my credit card and made a gargantuan payment to it. Which still didn't pay it down to the point I wanted it, but it helped, and I knew I'd have to scrimp a little till I built myself back up, but I never seemed to start building again.

I often say that I don't have a lot in life, but by God, I have an excellent credit rating, due to the fact that I pay all my bills on time and in full. After grabbing my paycheck away from the boss's hand, I spend no money till I've banked it and paid bills. And the first of this month was no exception, well, so I thought, but in the span of about three days my finances went blooey and I was convinced I was going stark raving flatass nuts.

It started with my water and sewage bills. When bill-paying time came, I couldn't find them. I looked through the bill folder over and over, around my house, around my desk at work, and they were nowhere to be found. I paid all my other bills then decided that the next morning I'd call each place, get the amounts, and stop looking for the actual bills. The next day was very busy at work, so I didn't get a chance. I said, "This gives me one more chance to scour the house before I call tomorrow."

I did just that, came home and looked under every book, magazine, and stray piece of music, and I found neither bill. However, I did find, under a Netflix movie I've yet to watch, a bill for my home water cooler rent. It was from September. I'd set it under that movie, and while the movie remained unwatched, the bill remained unpaid. I cursed and put it in plain view where I'd remember to take it to work the next morning. That now made three bills instead of two I was still owing.

I sat down in the Comfy Chair later that night to watch Keith Olbermann and was off in thought somewhere when all of a sudden something shot into my mind, I don't know how it came to me so plainly all of a sudden but it did, and that thought was, "Holy shit. I didn't make a credit card payment, either." So now along with water, sewer, and the already late water cooler rent, I had my credit card payment to make. And my checkbook balance was already woefully low.

(I do know why I hadn't made that payment, btw. Because I always leave it till last. Pay the finite bills, then take what I have left over to load onto the credit card payment. Since I hadn't paid the water or sewer, I hadn't written the credit card.)

A bit of good luck wafted my way when I realized the next day that maybe I wasn't stark raving flatass nuts after all. In doing a little more investigating I realized the sewer bill came early, and for some reason I just went ahead and paid it when it came. So it was out of the way. The water bill had changed from a little card to a long piece of paper, so the unopened envelope I thought was some greeting from the town was actually my water bill, and I hadn't lost it, either. I paid it, the overdue water cooler rent, then made a hefty but not as hefty as usual payment on the credit card, and now my spending for the next two weeks was done.

I know this isn't the least bit interesting, reading back over it it's not that interesting to me either, but in all that I realized that I'm living at about a constant $250 less than I used to. To some, that may not seem like much, but it is to me. And it's because gas and groceries have skyrocketed, and I'm getting paid the same thing.

And all that is kind of an introduction to the next part of this little rant-rave. I did something this week that in my younger and more timid days I wouldn't have done on a bet.

It started last week when two people, both clients at work, told me the same thing. "You need to call the cable company." Apparently they both called threatening to take their business to the Dish People, and out of nowhere Comcast started slashing their rates left and right. I pay about $130 for cable and internet, and I sure wouldn't mind a little slashing.

And still, I spent last week not calling. You know me. "I'll be the one to call and they'll say, 'Pay or not, we don't care,'" I told myself. Then yesterday I took a little look in my checkbook and said, "Oh hell, why not. I'll be on the phone, I won't have to face anyone, if they tell me to piss off I'll say OK and hang up."

And so I called. I told myself I wasn't going to lie and say I was going elsewhere, because I wasn't. I just wanted cheaper rates like other people were getting, and I'd ask how that happened. I got a really nice young-sounding girl on the line and told her just that. And she said, "Well, let's see if you can get any specials." Specials? The cable company has sales?

She was gone a while, and came back saying that yes, she couldn't see where I'd ever applied for a special, so here's what she could do. Cut my cable bill in half for six months, along with giving me free Showtime and Starz, two premium channels I don't subscribe to. Then for three months she'd give me free internet. Would that be OK?

I said it certainly would, and so she went away and punched some buttons and said it was done, thanks very much.

So for three months my cable bill will be about half what it normally is, and for three more it'll still be about $40 less.

And so I'm very happy about that, but you know me, I'd complain if they hung me with a new rope, and so I have to ask the question. Not to her, I wouldn't look that gift horse in the mouth, but to you.

If they could do that when I called, why couldn't they do it anyway?

I mean, why should the timid, or those uninformed about their secret specials pay full price when they could be getting their fares slashed?

I see that a lot where I work. Someone will come in for a proposal, we'll work one up for them, they'll like it, and then in a week come back and say that when they showed it to their current company, that company suddenly lowered the price 100 or so dollars. To which my question is always what I just asked above. If they could lower it that much now, why didn't they when you were a loyal customer? That's one thing I can say for TheCompanyIWorkFor, our rates are what the are and they're set in stone, which also means we're giving the lowest ones right off the bat to everyone who asks.

I've heard of credit card companies doing the same thing. And have even heard "shopping experts" saying on television that consumers should do it in stores. "I like this blouse. Can you take five dollars off?" Well, I'd just die if I had to do that, but apparently people do, and apparently it works. And I guess it works because enough lilies like me just go in and pay full price right off the bat.

If I want to haggle, I'll go to a yard sale.

Anyway, if you're reading this and you are a cog of the wheel that is Comcast Cable or Internet, call the number on your bill and ask to be slashed. If they did it for me, they will for you. And all because we were lucky enough to know about the secret special.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Acrowinners, we have acrowinners! So, it happened at the hospital. What did?
- Honorable Mention goes to QTOATIP, with her "Gross, ugly nurses taunt you."
- Runner-Up goes to LilyG, with her, "Got undressed, needed treatment. Yuck."
- And this week's winner is, yes, he had inside information, the DeepFatFriar, with his "Going utterly nuts, thank you."