To Lead The Nation

Yes, the election results are now a week old.

This past Thursday, those of us who meet to greet in Poundsqueeze, the channel we, well, meet to greet in, we were all still heady with the thought of a President-Elect Obama, and were discussing which states turned red, and which turned blue, and who won what in which states.

You'd have thought we were actually intelligent human beings.

Which we are, but when Mike the Blogless posed his question to me, it became apparent that we're intelligent human beings with a bent towards the silly. Mike's question was, "The cartoon characters who live with you - who would you put in what positions in the presidential cabinet?"

I told him that very night that was a blog topic just waiting to happen, and tonight I shall answer his question.

OK, my boys get to be in the cabinet. I override Obama in making these calls. Here's what I've got:

Mr Peabody: No question on this one, Mr Peabody will be Secretary of State. Secretary of State is your biggie, the handler of affairs foreign and domestic. He has the president's ear. Obama has big ears, and Peabody has a strong grip. I couldn't think of anyone's paws I'd rather have holding our nation's interests.

Sherman: I came up with a job for Sherman very quickly - Ambassador to the UN. I mean, is there anyone, anywhere who doesn't love Sherman? He makes friends wherever he goes. Then I realized there was a cabinet position just made for him. Secretary of Agriculture. Lest ye not forget Sherman's mastery of crop development: the Shermanhead peach, Shermanhead watermelon, Shermanhead carrot, Shermanhead squash. Last year he developed the Shermanhead pickle, an actual dill pickle that grows from a vine (something about soaking the seeds in brine), and he's currently working on - and this is top-secret hush-hush stuff - a chocolate cake plant.

Huckleberry Hound: Easy one, this is. Huckie could hold no position better than that of Surgeon General of the US. Huckleberry has pulled every member of my family out of harm's way just by staying with them at the hospital. He's a caring soul, and knows more about getting people from sick to healthy than you'd ever believe.

QuickDraw McGraw: QuickDraw spent his years, till he came to live at the Poderosa, out west. He was a cowboy. Cowhorse. Whatever. I think he'd make a fine Secretary of the Interior. He knows a lot of buffalo personally, has a fine respect for the land, and can spot a tumbleweed at 500 yards.

Che Guellama: I think Che could work well as Secretary of Labor. Remember that his job, before he defected to come live with me, was carrying clarinets from Chile to ports around the world. On his back. On foot. Hooves. Whatever. He knows the value of hard work. He also knows the value of the actual worker, as he cast off his title of "Llama #27" to come to the Poderosa. He needs to work on his English, but he'll go over very well with the Spanish-speaking community.

Mr Peanut: Mr Peanut has been an industry unto himself, a well-known brand, for well over 75 years. Who better to be Secretary of Commerce? If you can keep yourself selling well for that long, you have to be doing something right. Mr Peanut is also very dapper and urbane, and would be a treat to have around at the odd state dinner.

Gossamer: I'm tapping Gossamer for Secretary of Defense. This may seem like a fairly odd appointment, but I think it could work. Sure, we know that no matter how hard Gossamer tries to do in Bugs Bunny, Bugs always wins. But people all over the world probably don't know that, and I think it would send a definite message to have a monster as the Secretary of Defense. And in working closely with the Secretary of State, Peabody, Gossamer wouldn't have to be overly intelligent. Which is good, because he's not. And we'd have to appoint an Undersecretary of Defense, whose job it would be to make sure Gossamer didn't eat important documents.

Good Luck Baby Lily: OK, so Lily's only a baby, but if we don't appoint her to a government position when everyone else is getting one, her feelings will be hurt and she might cry. So let's create a new post just for her: Coloring and Being Cute Czar. It will be an unpaid position, and every year at the State of the Union Address, the president can mention how well she does her job, and there will be a small film clip of her coloring and being cute. And the Senate will ooh and ahh.

Bunsen Honeydew: I had a really hard time finding a job for Bunsen (or Bun-Bun, as Lily calls him). There's no Department of Scientific Experiments, you know. However, when Bunsen first came to stay with me, he gave me an hour-long lecture all about how my washing machine works, and he and Peabody have conversations on all kinds of subjects. So meet Secretary of Education Bunsen Honeydew. And yes, Beaker can be his assistant. As long as they don't blow up the White House.

Harrigan: Harrigan is my sock monkey, and he sits on my desk watching over me during the recording of each week's Hucklebug podcast. So Harry is going to be the head of the FCC. Watch for lots of cussing at the 8pm "Family Viewing Hour" on television. Harry just doesn't care.

So there you have it. May God bless this cabinet and all who sail in her.

Thanks, Mike, for the topic.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Acrowinners, we have - well, acrowinner. So, tell me about The Interstate.
- Honorable Mention goes to Patrick, with his "Icky, Lengthy, Obnoxious, Frantic Times."
- Runner-Up goes to Patrick, with his "In Lieu of Flying, Try...The Interstate (Yes, it's cheating)" Yeah, but it's not like you have a lot of competition this week.
- And this week's winner goes to Patrick, with his "I Loathe Our F*cking Traffic."
- Duke, and his "Slap Happy Girls" comment came in a distant fourth.
- Thanks to all who played!