Fun With The Biggies

I headed out to band tonight. First practice of the year, but I didn't make it. It was snowing here in B'field, and the farther along I went, the worse things got. I'm sure it wasn't bad in B'burg, but I had to consider a) getting out of B'field, and b) coming back home around midnight. I made it to the next town over, realized I was no fool, or maybe I am, and decided to turn tail and head for home. The wind was blowing so hard at that point that I didn't have to use my steering wheel. The wind just blew me backwards towards home.

Anyway, that's really neither here nor there. In the few free minutes I had at work there at TheCompanyIWorkFor today, I looked around at the news sites on the web. And I saw pictures of a big fat historic meeting between all the living presidents.

And I guess that is big, fat, and historic. I guess you don't often get all the Leaders of the Free Fucking World for the past 30 years all together in one place. So of course a picture had to be made of the big moment.


















It's an odd picture. Look at Jimmy Carter out there, standing all by himself. It's like no one likes him, and I'd be willing to believe that's true. No one liked him when he was president, and though he's been a stellar citizen in the private sector he always seems to be putting his foot in his mouth, generally on the Larry King show. I like you, Mr C, but you really should stay off the Larry King show.

Jimmy's also our shortest president. I always thought of him as kind of tall and lanky, so I'm chalking that up to the fact that people shrink as they get older.

However, that theory just blows itself out of the water when I look at GHW Bush over there, our oldest and tallest president. His bones sure didn't crimp and leave him all withered and hunched, did they? No, those fine silver-spoon-in-the-mouth bones are serving him well, and he surprised me by not having Barack standing at least a head over him.

Barack, as always, looks fine and dishy, but the expression on his face says, "God help me, I'm standing right smack-dab between two Bushes. If they bring in Jeb, I'm outta here." You can even see his top teeth on his bottom lip, as if he's starting to utter, "Fuuuuuck."

Also, three presidents down the line they seem to have run out of blue ties. I'm sure Bill Clinton wanted a blue one, it would take away from the fact that his nose always seems to be a hue between crimson and magenta, but no, the Picture People had to tell him, "Bill, it's red or nothing. Sorry." And Bill, who's dropped many points on the power scale since the 21st century began, had to take it and like it.

And there in the middle is ol' W. W Bush, Drinky McDumbass, the poorest excuse for a president any country has had, anywhere, anytime. All those other guys, they've got impromptu expressions. HW Bush is "Hey!" Obama is "Fuuuuck, yeah." Bill is his normal "Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck." And Jimmy is "Lawks a mercy, I'm in the picture. Hello!"

W Bush is posing like it's a school picture. "Pitchers! They're makin' pitchers! Look presidential!"

He's almost gone, folks. He'll be glad. We'll be gladder.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* It's still snowing. Oh, boy, I get to scrape the windshield tomorrow morning!