When The Worm Turns
A short blog tonight.
I've been reading for at least a decade about America's Aging Population. You know, how people are living longer, and hurrah for that, but that a lot of people had better get used to the fact that at one point they'll be taking care of both their children and their parents at the same time.
I don't have children, but I find myself falling into that category anyway.
My mom's out of the hospital now, has been for six days. This is a good thing, and I've visited her several times and she seems to be moving around a little and I keep hoping maybe this time there will be a longer turnaround before something else happens.
But I don't know.
Her latest thing, and my mom keeps having a thing, some sort of problem, is that she hasn't left the house since she got home. She won't drive. She's afraid she'll (in the words of this 70-something southern woman) "have a spell" while she's driving.
Now, my mother hasn't had what I'd call "a spell" in her life. She's been sick, she's been tired, she's been a lot of things, but she's not a woman who has spells. And she better not be thinking of becoming one.
So of course, because she won't drive, my sister and I have had to take my dad here and there, we go to the grocery store and pick things up for them, bring them their mail, my dad will occasionally take the Quarter Bus (our town's little metro, which charges $.25 per ride) into town for a haircut, and Mom sits at home, apparently awaiting her spell.
And so it was mentioned to me today at work about this whole worm-turning thing and the point at which the children become the parents. And I had to agree except for one small thing.
When we were kids and we wanted to go somewhere, our parents said no. "Mom, can we go to town?" "No." "Will you take us to the swimming pool?" "No." "Can we go out to dinner?" "No." The best we ever got was a "We'll See," which wasn't really that good because it always meant no anyway, but at least it gave us a few fleeting moments of hope.
You never get to say no to your parents. They want to go, you haul your cookies out of the house and take them.
I think the next time I get a call saying they need me to bring them something, I'm going to say "We'll See," just to see what happens.
Betland's Olympic Update:
* Acrowinners, we have - oh, wait, we don't have. Sorry about that.
Labels: Around The Pod
3 Comments:
My sister has this problem with her in-laws, who are in their 80's. They not only need to be hauled places but if you leave them alone they fight like little kids. Her husband even calls them "The Kids" as in what did you do today honey?....I had to sit with the kids.
Those two 85 year olds get in big fights over what TV show to watch and who stays in the toliet too long. One will argue with the other about eating all their green beans. They need a full time keeper.
Plus neither of them can remember squat. They don't know if they took their medicine or slept last night or even if they ate dinner.
My sister and her husband really have their hands full. What a mess.
Because of the work I do, it's heartening to see families who are willing and able to take care of their parents without ripping them off or hurting them physically or emotionally. (Two of our clients were forced to live in closets when their kids took over their homes...one of our clients had her home sold while she was living in it by her son who used the money to buy drugs.)
I know it's hard, and depressing to watch your parents go through this...truly I know. While some who don't have their own chldren may worry "who will take care of me?" I sometimes find myself worrying that I will be more of a burden/pain in the ass than I want to be.
And then I remember how many loads of laundry I do every week, only to hear the complaints that I gave someone the wrong sock when I sorted the clothes after they came out of the dryer.
And then I hope I become incontinent in my old age....
You can say no to your parents. Not all the time, but once the special situation wears off, you can set limits. Let your mom be nervous for a little bit, but then really encourage her to start driving again. And if she doesn't, you go get groceries on YOUR schedule. You say "I've got an hour this morning, what do you need?" but if they call at some other random time, you say "I'm sorry, I can't do it right now".
One thing, though. Figure out why she's so convinced she's going to have a "spell". Has she been having them and not telling people? I'd wonder quite strongly....
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