A Cold Nose in Your Hand: Priceless

Hello, blogees.

I have a dog now, did you know that? And what I'm about to say, please don't think this was some big surprise that has me wringing my hands wondering what in the world I'm going to do. I mean, I've owned dogs before. But let's take a little stock of Milo the Money Pit.

I got Milo on July 17th. 65 bucks to get him out of stir. That was cheap, I thought so as I was writing out the check. For my 65 bucks I got his first set of shots and a free neutering (sorry, fella), which will take place on Sept. 17.

So, 65 bucks, cheap. However, the night before I got him I was all giddy and went out and did some shopping. Food, treats, a crate, a tie-out for outside, shampoo, a leash, toys, blankies - a grand total of about $165. It's OK, I was happy to spend it - I felt like a new mommy at the baby store.

And so Milo came home with me and I washed him with the new shampoo and brushed him with the new brush and we played with the new toys. And he slept and traveled that weekend in the new crate and when he was a good doggie he got the new treats. And we were happy.

However, on day 2 of our adventure, Milo developed a cough. A cough I worried about, especially as it got worse, and so the next Monday I made him an appointment with Dr Steve, just to make sure it wasn't kennel cough, and I thought he needed to meet his new vet, anyway.

And so we met Dr Steve and he got some flea stuff and some coughing stuff and a shot, he made lots of friends at the office, and I wrote a check for $108. It's funny, because that was the day when I mentioned being worried that little Milo wasn't eating much, and it was also the day I found a sample of a different food that was in the packet I got from the animal shelter. I tried it and he loved it, so I gave my just-purchased, unopened bag of Expensive Old Food to the local pet haven and went and bought him a bag of Not Expensive But Not Cheap New Food at $10.

The next week brought more toys, and a harness because he was a little unruly on the leash, and in fact a new leash because he kept chewing weak spots in the old one. $25. That was also the week he busted out of his crate, one night while I slept, but he was a very good boy in the kitchen until I could get him a new one for a cool 69 bucks.

When I adopted Milo, he was full of fuzzy, fly-away, matted fur. All over the back half of his body. We had to get rid of that, it was itchy and unsightly. One trip to Lou the Groomer, $35, but that did include a purple bow which stayed on his ear upwards of thirty minutes.

Then of course, we just had to go to PetSmart, because, well, it's PetSmart! You can take your dog right inside PetSmart! And off we went, right in the store, and one doggie car seat, a name tag, a massive headache, and $58 later we headed home, happy.

Before we knew it it was time for the next vet's appointment, where Dr Steve loved all over Milo and said he had personality galore, gave him his second set of shots, some heartworm medicine, Milo peed on everyone in the office and jumped on the head of a rottweiler approximately the size of a calf, I wrote a check for $82, and we headed home.

And we continued on our adventure, with new toys and playing and my cleaning up all the things Milo has chewed up, and going for walks with the new leash, the new leash which also had several newly-chewed weak spots in it. And with a new harness, because he grew out of the old one. ($18, give or take.)

And somewhere in there I started watching the Dog Whisperer, who's given me some very nice tips absolutely free of charge, which I just love, but I realized that a lot of the leash training we were going to have to start working on was not really harness training. It was collar training, and the only collar I had was the one from when he was in the pound, and somehow I thought that might make him think of his life before me and get all traumatized, so I bought him a new collar at $8 or so. But he's doing much better with the collar, so that was a steal.

Ahh, but owning a dog isn't all fun and games. There's that one area none of us wants to deal with, but it's inevitable. Poo. I of course bought a poo scooper early on for $20, one that worked fairly well, but I still had to wash the stray poo off it, and on about its fourth usage, it broke. So I bought a second, a different kind since the first one was obviously a, well, a piece of poo, another $20, but this one was horrible and didn't pick up - well, I'm sorry but I can't let the opportunity pass me by - it didn't pick up shit. And I had to wash a lot of poo off it, all the poo that smeared around when I tried to pick up the poo.

There has to be a better way, I kept telling myself, and so I went online to investigate and found that there was apparently a better way indeed. Because on PetSmart's website, which I guess they let your dog sit right there and look at, there was a little item called Dispoz-A-Scoop.

Now, I normally don't like products that spell badly, but in some circumstances, I'll forgive. This is maybe the only online product I've ever seen with a solid five star review, total raves, no averages brought down by the 1-star "I hated this product." (I'm convinced all those 1-star "I hated this product" reviews are written by the same guy.)

With the Dispoz-A-Scoop you have what looks like a small garbage bag. It has a thin wire square rim around the top of the bag, which is then attached to a heavy cardboard square. When doggie does, you slide the rim under the doo, which works because the wire is so thin, then you push down on the cardboard and it collapes the wire, sealing the business in the bag. It's very sanitary. It's also $11 for 24 bags. I hied myself the next weekend to PetSmart, this time without Milo, and left with two boxes of Scoops, some treats to fit the Kong toy Aunt Stennie bought him, no headache, and minus $28.

Now, I doubt it would surprise anyone to learn I'm a little hinky about poo, and since I had to dispose, or dispoz, of the poo somewhere, I came up with a nice clean system wherein I put the secured soiled Dispoz-A-Scoop into a zip-lock baggie and put it in a trash bag in my new ($15) outside trash can.

The trash can was a one time only expenditure, but Milo has a lot of poos left in him, and at $11 a pop and a dog's lifetime of zip-lock bags, I feel that one day I'll be living in the lot beside my house in a lean-to made of old Dispoz-A-Scoop and zip-lock baggie boxes.

This past weekend was a little traumatic for me. See, along with - hey, remember this? My little freak-out that landed me in the ER? - my paying out a shitload of money in medical bills, my Saturday shopping was to include a new DVD player and new monitor. They both died. Milo had nothing to do with either of those, but I'll also have to buy a new turntable where he chewed the cord of mine in two. Anyway, shopping, new DVD, new monitor, more food, more treats, and a yet a new leash where he's already chewed two previous ones. That was Saturday. The new leash's handle is almost chewed apart. I'm thinking the next one will be chain. Possibly electrified. ($20 for the dog - $236 in all.)

Now, I've been a tad worried about something ever since I got little Milo. And that's the trip I'll be making over the Labor Day weekend. It was planned long before he came along, and let's face it, sooner or later I'm going to have board the little guy. I think it'll do him some good, actually. He needs to be with different people and to commune with some dogs, because frankly, I think he's turning into a Mama's Boy.

But I've fretted over finding the right place, and realized that the clinic Mr M uses for Alice the Cat boards animals. I'd been meaning to call them for a few weeks, but if you'll remember my work weeks of late, there's not much time for anything like that. I finally got a chance to call them today. Yes, they could take Milo, they told me, provided he was up to date on his shots, including the bordetella vaccine. I knew he'd just had his shots, but I wasn't so sure about this one, so I called Dr Steve's office and they said no, that wasn't part of the "five way" most dogs get. How soon can I get one? Well, you can come today. And so I ran out of work, grabbed Milo, and hauled ass, mine and his, to T'well and the vet. $28 later I had the piece of paper I needed to get his reservation for the weekend.

So I called this afternoon after the papers were faxed and got his reservation. Price? I didn't even ask. After they read all the rules, though, and told me I had to drop him off early do a bunch of paperwork, I can't imagine a fiver will get him back out.

So, I'm broke. But I have Milo. Barking, burping, farting, running, jumping, chewing, cuddling, wanting outside every 10 minutes, fetching, eating, growing Milo. Sometimes I look at him in disbelief - I really never thought I'd have a dog again.

And I only think of the money stuff when I'm driving down the road to the vet's, or sitting here writing blogs, or paying bills. One look from him with those eyes, or a nuzzle to my ear in the comfy chair, or a toy placed at my feet, or a climb up the footstool into my lap at the computer, or a cold nose up against my hand, and it's all forgotten.

He's a good doggie.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* Acrowinners, we have acrowinners! So, what about bugs?
- Honorable Mentions go to Kellie with an ie, with her "Got your tush? Uncomfortable dancing," and the DeepFatFriar, with his "Gyrating. Yelling. Throwing up. Dead."
- Runner-Up goes to Marla (marlamarlamarla), with her "Gooey yellow ticks under dog-fur." (OK, it's a bit of a cheat. I still liked it.)
- And this week's winner is LilyG, with her "Greet you terribly - unfortunately, dentally."
- Thanks to all who played, you've all done very well!