Story Sunday
Hello, end of weekenders. I don't have any pictures this weekend, so no Picture Sunday.
However!
I do have a story about one of the pictures in last week's Picture Sunday, so lets proceed with a round of Story Sunday.
If you'll look below to last Sunday's blog, you'll see a few items I bought for my boy Milo. The gate, by the by, is coming along. I personally don't think it has the quality I was expecting when paying $90 for a gate, but he hasn't knocked it over yet. I'm easing him into gate life. Whichever portion of my workday is shorter, from beginning to lunch or lunch to the end, I'll put him in the kitchen with the gate up.
And he's done fine, no peeing or pooing in the kitchen, hasn't messed a single thing up, he's just so wild when I come home and open the gate door. It's like he's been shot out of a cannon. When he's been in his crate and I let him out, he just pops out casually looks at me, and waits for me to put the leash on so we can go out. I swear, I'm waiting for the day he looks up at me and points to his neck, like, "Leash, please."
Anyway, that's not the story. Here's the story.
One of the items I bought last weekend was a little doggie clipping set so The Nephew and I get together, hoist a couple of beers, and give Milo a haircut. Taylor wants to give him a horse's mane, and though I can't say I don't like the idea, I believe the creativity will have to end before we get to that point.
Now, here's the deal. I've been looking on and off for clippers, and have almost bought a set on two other occasions. Both times I was looking at people hair clippers. And I didn't spring for them because I kept telling myself I'd wait till payday, or that Milo wasn't shaggy enough to start worrying about it yet, though he certainly is now.
Then I was at PetSmart, and I saw these clippers for pets.
There are a couple of pictures on the box, which is one of those fucking plastic boxes you have to open with a kitchen knife, of people holding and hugging their perfectly trimmed doggies. The back of the box insert says, and I quote, I have it right here, "It's never been easier to groom your pet and get great results! This clipper kit has the main tools you need to groom your pet at home. Snap-on guide combs help maintain an even length coat for worry-free grooming."
And that's just fine. Well, it was until I risked my fingers getting the damned box open with the kitchen knife.
I was keen to read the instruction booklet to see if it had some hints on where to begin in grooming a pet, if it specified to stay away from the face with the machine, and all that. Boy, what a disappointment.
The instruction booklet, which is of course in three languages, is a tri-fold with information on the front and back. All of the front are warnings. Don't use in the bathtub, don't drop any objects into any opening of the machine, read all of our instructions, do not use outdoors. What the hell is up with products saying you shouldn't operate them outdoors? If you think about it, and especially grooming a doggie, wouldn't outdoors be the best place? You wouldn't have to vacuum your floor after, plus, if the device decides to blow up, the inside of your home won't be damaged!
But let's travel onward. To the back of the tri-fold, where I was hoping for some drawings of doggies and how they should be cut.
I'll tell you right now there are no diagrams. Not a single picture of a dog. Instead, here's what I got.
There are a couple of drawings of the on-off switch and how it works, and one of the machine when a blade is on it. That's it. Well, that's it for drawings.
As for the text, well, here are some of the helpful hints I've been given.
* Raise blade for fine setting to cut hair very short for neck areas, etc.
* Lower blade for coarse setting to leave hair longer for side burns, etc.
In other words, this clipper set I bought is a people clipper with different packaging.
Which, I guess in the end doesn't mean anything, but for some reason I'm both bemused and a little pissed off.
I'm going to tell The Nephew, though, that we have some instructions for side burns. I think Milo would look keen with sideburns.
Betland's Olympic Update:
* Why do I like gymnastics? I shouldn't like gymnastics, but I do.
* My shoulder hurts.
Labels: Pictureless Sunday
4 Comments:
I trimmed my fox terrier, Bucky, for many years. The proper way to trim a fox terrier is to strip the wire outer coat with a stripper comb, then trim the undercoat with clippers. I said to hell with that and cut it all with electrical clippers.
Although I can't say my trim jobs were professional, they were ok. Bucky looked fine, especially since he lived outside eating cat poop. For that lifestyle he looked like a movie star. What is it with dogs and poop?
Here's how I trimmed. First give him a bath and use some sort of pooch hair conditioner. That's pretty important to keep the coat soft and easy to cut.
Next concentrate on one body part at a time. Decide what you want the cut to look like before you start and then pick a rear leg. Trim on that leg until it's done before you move on. Cut small amounts at a time, say 1/2 inch. Cut another 1/2 and so forth until it looks right. By trimming in stages you can keep from gouging the fur and making a big gap.
After the leg is done move to the next one. Then the hips, back, belly, front shoulders, and front legs. Cut the belly real short. Save the head for last. As you're trimming you can keep looking back on the first leg to keep the length all the same. When you're done everything will match.
Don't try to do anything fancy until you have some experience. For the first cut I'd just trim him down evenly so he looked well groomed. After you're more comfortable with the clippers you can start doing fancy stuff like poofs around his feet or whatever you want. I would probably cut the legs shorter than the body though.
The head is tricky. Depending on how patient milo is he may not like you cutting around his face. Most companies say not to use electric trimmers there either because the noise can hurt doggie ears. I'd keep the trimmer well away from his ears and use scissors there. I used the clippers around Bucky's mouth and jaw but not ears.
That's it. Do one body part at a time, cut the fur in stages until it's the right length, be careful around the head, and here's the most important part:
Don't be afraid to plunge in there and do it. It's just a hair cut. Milo won't give a crap what it looks like. The worst thing that can happen is you'll leave a gap or get something uneven. It'll grow out and whatever you do it will look better than shaggy overgrown fur.
Just do it, and you'll be an expert in no time.
Which one was cheaper? And yes, why on earth wouldn't you want to trim a doggie outdoors?
Milo would look great with mutton chops.
Now you and Taylor got a brain thing going! He said the exact thing last night. Wednesday is haircut night. Which means tonight is bath night.
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