The Things We Know, or The Perfect Whatever

I'd been thinking about this for several days. Leave it to my blogging buddy Duke to have a brain-snap with me and mention an article in his blog that I'd just read earlier in the day to make me realize I neglect my blog way too much.

Anyway, what I was thinking related to his blog and that article. It was a list - five sure-fire ways to lose 91 pounds a year. I liked what he had to say about it.

See, I work all day at TheCompanyIWorkFor, and in the few minutes of free time I have I like to do a little net surfing. Problem with that is it's never more than a few minutes, and TCWIF blocks a lot of internet sites, and so the surfing experience is never very satisfying.

And so I usually find myself on cnn.com or msnbc.com, and both of these sites, and many more, love them some lists. How to have perfect skin, how to have perfect hair, how to choose the perfect wardrobe, how to catch the man of your dreams, etc etc till you want to puke.

And you know, a list is a list, and I often read them even when I'm not really interested in finding the man of my dreams or the perfect wardrobe, and the reason I often read them is just to prove myself right about something.

These lists are always (well, except the one Duke referenced - it was a rarity) ten items long, the top ten whatevers, but it doesn't really matter. And here comes the part where I get to prove myself right.

Because the same five things always show up on whatever list you look at.

Want perfect skin? Perfect hair? Perfect wardrobe? Perfect man? Five of those ten ways to help you get them are always, and when I say always I mean, well, always:

1. Don't smoke
2. Don't drink (or drink too much)
3. Get plenty of exercise
4. Get plenty of sleep
5. Eat a healthy diet

I don't care if you're looking for ten ways to get the best deal on a car, or how to get a raise at work, or how to pick the right running shoe, I swear, those five things are going to be on the list.

And here's the thing. Well, here's one of the things. First of all, we know those five things are key to our happiness, so the experts say. Smoking, drinking, sitting around all day, staying up all night, and eating junk food are the expressway to Shitsville, Arizona. Whether we do them or not, believe me, listmakers of America, we know. You show me a person who thinks, "You know, my skin is horrible. I need to fix it. What??? Smoking and junk food makes a difference???" and I'll show you someone who needs to have their Lucid Person badge revoked.

And I guess the other thing is that if we all know those things, why are people muddying up their lists with these items? Make them all "Five Things You Didn't Know About That Can Give You The Perfect Whatever."

Or how about simply, "Five Things That Can Give You The Perfect Whatever*," and the article can begin with, (* of course, you already know about the smoking, drinking, exercise, diet, and sleep).

I'm waiting for that top ten list on how to get a good night's sleep where one of the list items is "get plenty of sleep." I know it's out there, I just haven't found it yet.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* You know, there really isn't too much to update around here. For those of you not Facebookally inclined, I guess I could tell the story of the Seven Dwarves.