What The Hell Time Is It?

I've started frequenting a new website. It's called crapatmyparentshouse.com, and as you might guess, it's full of pictures of crap at people's parents' houses. As you might also guess, it's a load of fun to look at.

The first time I went to this website I of course said, "Oh, man, I could fill 10 screens with crap from my parents' house." And coincidentally, I was there that very same day, and on that day and each visit since, I spent much time with roving eyes, searching for something to take a picture of.

Too bad it can't be the clock.

I'll tell you the story of the clock. It probably describes my parents as well as any story I could tell.

Way back in the early 70s when I was but a podlet, I bought my parents a clock for Christmas. Now, at the time I'm sure it was the big fashionable seller, I was proud to give it and they were proud to get it. It was a sunburst clock, with silver and gold bursts, and although it didn't look exactly like this...









...well, you get the idea.

This clock burst all over our den wall for years. It started in the old house on Lynn St, then made the move with us to the den over at Hillcrest. It ticked a lot of hours of our lives. It became rather unfashionable, of course, but it still ticked away, and as long as it did that, my parents saw no need to say farewell to it.

But my sister and I wanted desperately to say farewell to our old sunburst friend, and so on another Christmas I got a great idea. Another clock!

This time it was a small, square, basic number. Because I was into small, square, and basic. They opened the gift on Christmas, expressed happiness, and hung the clock that very day.

And all was well.

Until about a month later, when I went into my parents' bedroom and saw the old sunburst clock there on the wall. And a clock that out of date, and well, that big, it just became a flashy neon sign with sound, saying, "Tacky!"

When I expressed shock and horror over seeing the old clock, my mom's response was that it still worked, so why should they throw it away?

Then one fateful day our now over-25 year old clock stopped ticking. He had put in a good deal of service, and his time came. I was long gone by then, so I don't know the exact moment it happened. No, how I found out was that I saw it there on my mom's bedroom wall, well, not running. It stayed on the wall for a good five more years not working.

It's gone now, believe it or not, has been for a few years. I don't know what happened to it, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find out that it wasn't thrown away but is in a closet somewhere waiting for some kind soul to tinker with it so it can leap back into life and back onto my parents' wall.

Oddly enough, however, the small, square, basic clock I bought my parents back in the 80s still hangs on the den wall. It doesn't work, either. Ticks not one tick, but there it hangs. Many's the time I've been downstairs at the folks' house, looked up at the clock, and panicked. "Lord, it's almost 8! I gotta get home!" Then I realize that no, that can't be right, I'll yell upstairs for a time check, and find that it's only 6:45.

Well, I think it's 6:45. See, here's the thing. My parents have a downstairs clock that doesn't work. Then upstairs they have a fancy gold clock with twiddly turning things and curly numbers on it, it sits on top of their curio cabinet. It doesn't work, either. There's also another fancy gold clock in their china hutch. It doesn't work. I don't know where in the hell they get their time, but they seem to know. I mean, they're never late for anything, so they must be getting it somewhere.

Maybe I need to put a few clocks on the Christmas 2010 list. Or maybe I need to gather every clock they have, all stopped and all with different times on them, line them up, and send a picture to crapatmyparentshouse.com.

Or maybe I could just take a picture of the craftsy wooden calendar in the kitchen that says May 1998.

Betland's Olympic Update:
* So, did you guess the objects? Some of you did!
1. Yep, that's a bicycle helmet.
2. That's the top of my oven.
3. Very good, Kriz. That is indeed the Mona Lisa.
4. Nobody got poor Hermey the Elf.
5. Although I like the idea of Cheeto salad, those are some fancy toothpicks with the little frizz on top.
6. I thought everyone would get my broom.
7. And finally, friend to all, a roll of Duck Tape. (I tried to get the duck's beak there in the picture.)
* Thanks to all who played!